Greatest Daddy in the World

We recently added The Andy Griffith Show to our repertoire of tv shows. The simple stories of father and son are a nice complement to the madcap capers of McHale’s Navy.

In an episode we watched the other night, Opie insisted that his dad knew more than anyone else in the county, than anyone else in the state, than anyone else in the whole country. In fact, he had the greatest pa in the whole world. No one was going to convince him otherwise.

Later that evening, when Husband came home from work, the boys ran into his arms…”You are the greatest Daddy in the whole world!” Never underestimate the influence of television.

A Future Husband

Over the past few weeks, the boys have really enjoyed watching DVDs of Ken Davis, a very gifted comedian and storyteller. As a result, we have now added stand-up comedy to our repertoire of resources for teaching life skills to our kids. In one of his routines, he implores women to speak directly to men and not to ask questions for which there is no answer. For example, when a man is getting ready to go out, don’t ask, “Are you going to go out wearing that?” There is no good answer to that question. If the man says no, he does not get to go where he wanted to go. If he says yes, he gets berated for his choice in clothes. Just say what you mean.

The other day, I said to Son #1, “Do you want to go upstairs and take a shower?” He looked at his father – with a just between us guys look - and asked, “Is that what that funny guy was talking about?” Husband nodded with a look that cautioned him to tread lightly. Son #1 turned and said to me, “Mommy, if you want me to take a shower, just say so. Don’t ask me a question that I cannot answer.”

I hope that somewhere there is a young girl who is also learning the same life lesson and that someday her path crosses that of Son #1.

Tales of an Old Married Couple – #2

For twenty years, Husband and I have slept on the same of the bed. Even when we stay in a hotel, we sleep on the same side of the bed. While we were in Florida, the first night, Husband was working on one bed and I was on the other bed watching a movie…I was on Husband’s side of the bed. As it got late, I started to fall asleep and told him to sleep in the other bed. You would have thought I had asked him to pack his bags and leave! So, I told him he could come to the other bed, but he had to sleep on “my side.” It was the worst night! All night long, he kept pushing me out of bed as he attempted to move to his side of the bed…all while sleeping. At one point, I actually had my foot on the floor supporting me. In the morning, when my alarm rang, I reached for the side table and almost poked him in the eye. I, too, forgot what side of the bed I was on!

PC vs PG

A few weeks ago, I read a review in a parenting magazine about a DVD containing a collection of Saturday morning shows from the 50’s. It included a warning that the DVD contained “outdated stereotypes and gunfights.” It made me think about the shows that we are currently watching with our kids in relationship to today’s popular shows.

This concept of “outdated stereotypes” in the old sitcoms is true…particularly ones that have military themes, such as F-Troop and McHale’s Navy. (There are also gunfights in some of these shows.) I guess by today’s standards these shows are not very politically correct. However, I am finding that it is pretty easy to explain to the boys why certain ethnic labels were used during war times and are totally inappropriate today. I also am finding that since these shows portray all of characters in such an extreme comical manner, the boys don’t take any stereotypes seriously. If it is necessary, it creates an opportunity to discuss how stereotypes and namecalling can be hurtful to others.

As I have been thinking about this, I have weighed this PC issue against the PG nature of today’s popular shows...

• In the old shows, parents are respected and not treated as unintelligent. For example, Shirley Partridge is the authority figure in her home and her children respect her. There is a wide range of ages in the Partridge family children and they are all held accountable and are expected to be obedient.
• In the old shows, the father’s role in the family is valued. This is most obvious in The Cosby Show…enough said.
• In the old shows, there is not the undercurrent of sexuality for young people. In McHale’s Navy, the sailors chase the nurses, but on The Partridge Family, the young kids do not feel pressured to date. I found it interesting, in a recent episode, when 18-year old Keith got his own place to live, he did not want his mother to catch him with a girl alone.
• In the old shows, there are some mature themes, but they are presented in a way that can be digested and processed by kids. Topics such as teen pregnancy, underage drinking, and drugs are presented as issues to be addressed, not as the norm to be accepted. We have had the opportunity to discuss many of these issues after watching The Cosby Show. We have also had many interesting discussions about stills, moonshine and poker in our house after watching McHale's Navy...not necessarily what I expected, but it has been fun.
• In the old shows, there was a more definite standard of right and wrong. In today's shows - which reflects the world at large - there is so much relativism. Kids are led to believe that everything is ok as long as you believe it and "tolerance" is the highest moral quality...however, tolerance is typically defined by the latest fad or celebrity.
• There is often a theme of deception in today's shows…how to fool parents, how to get around the system, how to avoid doing homework. This is not a new concept, but today they are taking it to a whole new level. When the Brady kids got into trouble, their schemes were pretty obvious; today, the defiance and deception is more of an undercurrent that draws kids in.
  

I am trying to find a balance between the two…old and new. There are things to be learned and enjoyed from the old shows. Similarly, there are things to be enjoyed and lessons to be learned from the current shows…it just takes vigilance. PG…parental guidance.

Tales of an Old Married Couple #1

Husband and I recently returned from a long weekend in Florida. We attended a wonderful conference that was filled with amazing teaching and music. Each night, they left a “pillow gift” of either a book authored by one of the speakers or a CD by a musician. They also left two chocolates…the idea being two room occupants, two chocolates.

The first night, we returned to our room to find a book and two chocolates. I put on my pjs and stepped in the bathroom…looking forward to sitting on my bed, watching tv, and eating my chocolate. I returned and Husband had eaten BOTH chocolates! I asked him…”What were you thinking? Have you met me? Is there any time in our 20 year marriage that I have NOT liked chocolate?” He had nothing to say. I also had nothing to say to him for the rest of the night. I, of course, had plenty to say to everyone at breakfast about his dastardly deed.

The next night, I went up to our room between the night session and the dessert reception. Imagine my delight to find the pillow gift and two chocolates! I grabbed both chocolates, put them in my pocket, and returned to the reception. When I said good-night, several people asked about my chocolate plans…I smiled and showed them the chocolates in my pocket. I am not above petty revenge!

Season 5 Episode 121

In this episode, Vanessa and Rudy are constantly bickering. Cliff encourages Vanessa not to respond when Rudy provokes her, but it does not help. After getting into a wrestling match in the kitchen, they are sentenced to live in the basement together until they can get along. Only after Theo taunts them with scary stories do they move past their differences and are allowed to return to their bedrooms.

For the most part, my boys get along. I would say 75 percent of the time they play well together and co-exist in relative harmony. That other 25 percent can be a pain! Son #2 can really push Son #1’s buttons. We encourage Son #1 to “just walk away” but…good luck! Similarly, Son #1 has the annoying habit of getting into Son #2’s business. Sometimes I think I should follow Cliff’s lead and sentence them to the basement until they get along. To be honest, though, sometimes I think it would be better if I went to the basement myself.

In Memory of Mary

Today, I went to the funeral of Mary, a 47-year old woman, whom I never met, but really wish I had. Mary was the wife of one of Husband’s colleagues and had finally grown tired after a long illness. I never expected to cry so much.

The officiating priest read two emails that Mary had written during her last days. It gave us amazing insights into her heart and her love for God. A co-worker shared how she cared for the most vulnerable among us and it gave us insights into her character. Her younger brother spoke on behalf of the family and it gave us insights into her humanity and her love for life. Finally, her husband read a letter that he wrote to her. What a blessing to witness such an expression of love! It gave us insights into their love for each other and for their daughter. As the family walked out singing “How Great Thou Art,” the tears were pouring down my face.

I had not met the woman whose life we celebrated today, but my life was certainly touched. I was challenged by the life that she led and encouraged to examine my own. What will my legacy be? What will my husband and family say about me?

Will it be said that I loved unconditionally? I love a few people and like many more, but it would be so much easier if people were a little bit more like me.

Will it be said that I was spoke the truth and was honest with my loved ones? No one will disagree that I have my opinions, but how well do I listen? Do I speak the truth in love?

Will it be said that I loved God with all my heart, mind and soul? I sure try hard, but is that enough?

Will it be said that I was a loving wife and mother? I am pretty good between the hours of 12 PM and 10 PM, but things can get a little dicey in the mornings.

Please don’t get me wrong…I am not getting down on myself. I am just taking the opportunity to evaluate and learn from a life well-lived. I sure would have liked to have met Mary…I bet we could have been friends. Perhaps one day we will meet in Glory.

The Voices in My Head

A couple of weeks ago, there was an article in the Chicago Tribune considering the long-term effects of Facebook. http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-talk-ahmed-facebookjan10,0,7001239.story The columnist expressed concerned about the ability of the current generation to develop face-to-face social relationships. I am not sure that I share his concerns. The enjoyment that I get from connecting with old friends and keeping in touch with others far outweighs any negatives. In fact, for an introvert such as I, I have actually increased my daily social interactions greatly.

I do have one problem though…I have started to refer to myself in the third person in my mind. “What is Dawn doing now?” “Dawn is folding clothes.” “Dawn is going to pick up the kids.” I have these running conversations in my head. Sometimes, they are more profound…”Dawn is wondering why everyone is more critical of Rick Warren than the racist Rev. Lowery.” “Dawn is wondering what it means to ‘embrace what is right’.” Sometimes, I would never repeat them on Facebook…”Dawn is really irritated with her husband.” “Dawn's children act as though they have been raised by wolves.” It can get confusing sometimes keeping the voices straight. However, as long as they stay consistent with my actions, I should be ok. I will become concerned if I start posting comments in my mind.

Season 5 Episode 113

Vanessa: Where do you suppose he took him?
Rudy: Jail!
(Cliff enters the house)
Vanessa: So dad, where's Theo?
Cliff: Away!

In this episode, Theo has the house to himself and he decides to invite some friends over. The party quickly gets out of control and the house gets trashed. Theo and his friends try to clean up the mess and repair the damage, but it is just too much. He confesses to his parents as soon as they get home. Cliff’s first reaction is to have Theo drop out of school and join the army. Ultimately, Theo’s consequence is to work at a mission every morning with his friends.

I had two thoughts about his episode…

1. Even though Theo confessed to his parents right away, he was still responsible for the consequences. My boys were a little surprised by this…they thought his confession should have been worth something. It did not help him avoid the consequences, but it did keep things from getting worse.

2. Cliff’s initial reaction was emotional, but Theo’s ultimate consequence was more appropriate and natural. I wish I could master the concept of natural consequences.

A Great Evening!

Last night, our family went to an evening of prayer and praise at the Breakthrough (http://www.breakthroughministries.com/) men's shelter. The music was led by an amazing group of singers…the depth of their joy and conviction was evident in every song. Although there were no words provided, we were invited to sing along if we knew the songs. I was almost moved to tears when I heard Son #2’s sweet voice sing “It is Well with My Soul.” After a period of singing, we divided into small groups for prayer. When the evening concluded, I was overcome by two thoughts…

1. During the prayer time, I overheard one of the homeless guests in another group praying with intense emotion. He was not beseeching God for the things he had lost or thanking Him for a warm place to stay that night, but rather he was thanking God for who He was. We talked about this on the way home. It is so easy to praise God when we have so much, but what if we lost everything…our home, our income, our Legos, our Webkinz. Would we still praise God for who He is?

2. One of the singers sang an old song that I had heard many times growing up, but it struck me like a lead balloon.

“In times like these, we need a Savior. In times like these we need an anchor.
Be very sure, be very sure, your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock.”

Wow! These are some wild times and we sure need a Savior and an anchor. I am so glad that I know my anchor grips the Solid Rock.

What a great evening! When we went to the prayer and praise gathering, I thought it would be a good experience for the boys. It turned out to be an awesome time for me...I am not the same person today as I was yesterday.

Justice and Grace

Just before Christmas, my friend substituted in Son #2’s classroom. She called me after Day One to give me some feedback on Son #2 and also provide general observations on the class. Turns out 1st and 2nd graders have an insatiable thirst for justice and in their world that translates into a lot of tattling…even the most minor offenses get reported.

My friend decided to start Day Two with a discussion of grace. Jesus showed us grace when he died on the cross and we were extended undeserved forgiveness. With Jesus as our model, she encouraged the children to show grace to each other. One child said that it was just not fair. This led to another discussion of fairness…is life fair? Does life have to be fair? Son #2 responded that life is not always fair. He said it was once fair before Adam and Eve, but now it does not have to be fair. Pretty heady discussion for a group of 1st and 2nd graders! I wonder what us grown-ups could learn about justice and grace. What would the world be like if we were less concerned about seeking justice and more concerned about extending grace?

Young Indiana Jones #2 (7/10/08)

The “Young Indiana Jones” is officially off our Netflix queue. In the early episodes, while Indy was a young boy, it was appropriate for the kids. It was interesting to see Indy in different parts of the world interacting with different historical figures.

As happens in real life, as the series progressed, Indy started to grow up and clearly the target audience changed. In the episode we watched the other night, Indy met Mata Hari. I don’t know a lot of facts about Mata Hari, but I do know that she was a spy and I thought the boys would find that interesting. As we were watching the episode, I started to get an alarming feeling. At this point, most of the suggestive dialogue was going over the boys’ heads, but I could tell that Indy’s interest in Mata Hari was becoming intense. I turned the tv off just as Indy – in all his glory - lost his virginity to Mata Hari. Whew!

What a bummer! The boys and I were really disappointed that the show took this turn. Son #2 said, “Why did he have to go and get all mushy?”

More Ways to Raise Money (12/23/08)

Son #2 is raising the ante on his money-making efforts. Yesterday, he tried to sell me an old issue of “Ranger Rick” for $20. I am starting to feel that perhaps I should nail things down.

Tonight, I was driving Son #1 and some friends to youth group. One of the older boys had forgotten his money for an upcoming ski trip so I gave him a signed blank check. (Desperate times call for desperate measures.) Leave it to Son #2 to suggest that he write the check for $200 over the amount and they could split the difference. After dropping off the kids, Son #2 and I were driving home and he asked me, “What is the credit limit on your credit card?” Perhaps I will sleep with one eye open tonight.

Episode 109 Update (12/16/08)

Bluey is dead. We came home from our 2-week Christmas break and Bluey was hovering at the bottom of the tank. Son #2 was devastated…I felt guilty that we had left him unattended while we were gone. On the outside chance that Bluey was merely in a coma and not dead, we placed the fish tank on a heating pad to warm up the water. He actually started breathing and swimming for a bit, but then, our efforts turned into more of a fish boil and he was dead once again. I decided to cut our losses and performed the final flush while Son #2 was at school the next day. I broke the news when I picked the kids up afterschool. Son #2 handled it well and we headed to Petsmart. Welcome to our home, Finny!

Lovin’ Legos

I just figured out that, between Christmas and New Years, the boys assembled 2,764 Lego pieces! (That does not include the vehicle that Son #1 virtually assembled using the software included with one of his kits.) I would like to put forth a theory that a young child’s happiness can be measured by the quantity of small toy pieces that cause pain when stepped on by a parent. To that end, a young girl’s happiness can be measured by her collection of Barbie shoes and a boy’s happiness can be measured in Lego pieces. I believe my hypothesis is true as my boys had a very happy holiday! (I have also painfully stepped on many Lego pieces.)

Friends R Friends 4Ever

A couple of months ago, Husband joined Facebook. (Not sure why, but he did.) Over the Christmas break, he has been inundated with “friend requests.” I was starting to feel very unfriendly and pathetic…so I decided to join Facebook myself. I sent my first “friend request” to Husband. At first, he hesitated…said he had enough friends. When I explained that my friendship came with exclusive benefits, he gave in. I was thrilled to receive three email requests the next day…I was off and running. I have enjoyed exploring the features of Facebook and searching for old friends. There are a couple of things, however, that are causing me problems.

First, the omnipresent question at the top of the page…”What are you doing right now?” I find that quite intimidating. “I am avoiding work and playing on my laptop.” Duh! I am not really sure how to respond to this question. I am not sure that honesty is the best way to go. “I am in my pjs, hiding in my cottage and dreading returning to civilization.” Sounds a bit Unabomber-ish to me. “I have a raging migraine and am hopped up on painkillers.” Who wants to be friends with a whiner? I could go with the world impact approach…”I am finding a cure for the common cold and brokering peace in the Middle East.” But, my kids have the sniffles and have been bickering all week…not real likely. I also considered a Proverbs 31 approach…”I just finished baking bread and sorting the recyclables, now I am going to change the oil and rotate the tires on the cars.” Anyone who really is my friend will know that is totally false and check my profile picture to confirm my identity…which leads me to my second problem.

I could not figure out what to use for my profile picture. I tend to avoid having my picture taken…they usually don’t turn out in my favor. The default icon on Facebook was very slimming, but did not reflect my recent color job. I bribed Son #1 to take my picture this afternoon. I told him he would he would get extra if he made me look good. I am not sure he understood what that meant, but he did his best. Hopefully, the picture is clear enough to help long lost friends identify me, but not scare them away.

So far, Husband has more friends than me, but it is just a matter of time. I have only just begun!

Happy New Year!

There was a time when we could watch the ball drop in New York and I could convince the kids it was the New Year and time to go to bed. Those days are over… they are catching on to my wily ways. Tonight, after watching the ball drop, they insisted on staying up the extra hour and celebrating again in the central time zone. What a great night! Happy New Year!!