Season 4 Episode 77

In this episode, Rudy is tired of being the youngest. She is frustrated that she can’t pick out her own clothes like everyone else and she can’t go out with her friends like everyone else. She feels it is unfair, but Theo assures her that one day she will be able to do all these things.

My boys are four years apart in age. In most situations, Son #2 understands his place… he has an earlier bedtime, he can’t sit in the front seat of the van and no sleepovers until he is at least ten. There is one thing that he finds so unfair…he really wants a cell phone. I am not sure who he wants to call, but he really wants a phone. From time to time, he will try and negotiate…”maybe when I am eight, can I get a phone?” I tell him when he stops asking, I will consider it. Since I know that he will be unable to stop himself, I am safe.

I’ve Been Fired!

A couple of years ago, I knew that Husband and Son #1 were having a talk about Santa Claus. Afterwards, I inquired about the conversation…Son #1 told me, “Daddy said, Santa is dead.” Are you kidding me?!? Instead of talking about the jolly old man in the red suit, Husband had shared the history of St. Nicholas and Son #1 had boiled it down to…Santa is dead. I promptly fired Husband from all important life talks, including the Easter Bunny and the birds & the bees.

Last night, Son #1 and I were having a talk about the way his body will be changing over the next few years. Things were generally going well until I crossed a line. After he recovered from the shock, he informed me that he would prefer to talk to Daddy. Essentially, I was fired. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed…and I think he could tell. He put his arm around me and said, “It’s ok, Mommy, we are all growing up.” When Husband got home, I told him its his turn at bat again….hopefully, he learned from the Santa Claus incident!

Mommy Radar

I am so relieved! While I still have not perfected my “Mommy Look” (8/26/08), I realized last night that I have a pretty effective “Mommy Radar.” That has to count for something.

I should explain that I developed an ear infection several weeks ago. Since then, I have been struggling to recover from the irritating sinus drainage and hearing loss. (As an aside, I want to say that, when my hearing fully returns, Husband will be the absolute last to know! Our marriage has really benefitted from my reduced hearing. Between the 50% I can’t hear him say and the 50% I choose to ignore, we are doing great.) Anyway, I have been taking Nyquil every night to help me sleep. Two pills just before I sit down to watch tv and, by the 2nd commercial break, I am sound asleep. I can sleep through storms, sirens, and snoring. But last night, around 4 AM, I woke from a dead sleep when I heard the door open to one of the boys’ rooms. Not only did I hear the door, but I knew immediately which door it was from the unique creak…my radar was in full force. After checking on Son #2, I returned to bed…the guilty cat was sent downstairs. Guess who was still asleep?

Season 4 Episode 76

This episode is titled “Theogate”…Theo returns home late from a cross-country meet and Clair is confused by the inconsistencies in his explanation. She is further suspicious when the school principal calls the next day. She interrogates Theo and tells him that she expects her children to be honest. The family holds a mock trial to get the bottom of the situation. In the mock trial, Theo confesses that he lied about why he was late, about what happened after the meet, and the fact that he had been kicked off the team.

This was one of those episodes that was filled with learning moments. Knowing that Theo was lying and watching him dig himself deeper in trouble was so interesting. It was great to point out opportunities where Theo could have made better choices with more positive consequences. In the end, we were able to discuss the value that our family places on honesty and trust.

Character Flaw #42 – Parenting Falsehoods

Do you ever lie to your kids? I do…sometimes little white lies, sometimes big whoppers. I like to keep them guessing. Some they might believe, some they don’t even bite at. Some are self-serving. For example, I think Son #2 might actually believe that I am only 29 years old…bless his heart! Some are purely for my entertainment. I tried to convince Son #2 that he was adopted, but he just shook his head and said, “That’s just sad.” (His response amused me greatly!) The other day, I suggested that Daddy might have another family that he visited when he went on business trips. I think they might have actually considered it, but I pushed it a bit too far when I said he also had a second job as a circus clown.

The positive side of this character flaw of mine is that we laugh a lot and they provide fodder for stories that we create. The down side is that, much like the boy who cried wolf, the boys don’t always know when to believe me. This proved to be true when I was discussing puberty with Son #2 the other day. “You mean I am going to get hair, where??” Our discussion of pimples and acne did not go so well either. I am not sure what he thought I was describing, but, despite my best efforts, I think he was left with the impression that he could possibly spend his teenage years with a face covered in boils and hairy warts. I attempted to discuss the birds and the bees and mentioned that girls could get pregnant as soon as they started their periods. He asked when young girls start their periods…when I said eleven or twelve, I thought he was going to throw up. We had not even gotten to the good stuff. He begged me to stop and said he would let me know if he had any more questions. So far I have not heard from him…

Kleenex Mom

I remember this summer when I would sit and wax eloquently on my PC…every night, I would post a new entry to my blog. Then, I got home and school started…back to real life. By the time homework is finished, the dishes are done, lunches are made, and the angels are in bed, I just want to curl up on the couch…sans PC. Perhaps I need to try writing during the day…

On an unrelated note, I did hear something interesting today. The boys and I were listening to a story in the car in which two kids were describing their parents. The girl said that, when she sneezed, her dad told her to be quiet. The boy said that, when he sneezed, his dad handed him a Kleenex. Wow! I wanted to ask the boys what kind of parent I was, but I was afraid to ask. I hope that I am a “Kleenex Mom,” but I know that I have my weak moments…particularly when I am tired. It really challenged me.

Mysteries of a Tween

The other night, Son #2 was struggling to practice his guitar. He seemed a bit anxious and out of sorts. We tried to talk to him and encouraged him to relax. We were concerned that perhaps something had happened at school that day. He responded, “Mommy, sometimes there are mysteries about me that even I don’t understand.” Enough said!

Season 4 Episode 75

Clair: But you've always wanted to be a lawyer, you've talked about nothing else!
Sondra: I've changed my mind.
Clair: CHANGE IT BACK! After all that money we spent sending you to Princeton? Sondra, you owe us 79,648 dollars and 22 cents, and I want my money NOW!

In this episode, Sondra and Elvin have just returned from their honeymoon. Since they have also recently graduated from Princeton, Cliff and Claire are anxious to discuss their future plans…they expect Elvin to attend medical school and Sondra to attend law school. They are disappointed to learn that Elvin has decided not to go to medical school, but rather to work in a wilderness store. In addition, Sondra announces that she is not going to medical school…she is going to help Elvin in the store.

We have such dreams for our children. Sometimes they even buy into the dreams…and then they change their minds. This episode made me laugh because it made a point with such extremes. Elvin and Sondra went to an Ivy League school (big bucks, big prestige) and planned on pursuing elite post-graduate degrees…and then they changed their minds and decide to work in a wilderness store in Brooklyn! Is there a big market for kayaks and 3-man tents in Brooklyn? They also end up in an apartment that looks one step from being condemned. Despite their initial disappointment, Cliff and Claire pledge to support Sondra and Elvin. They may not understand their decision or even approve of their decision, but their love is unconditional. That is all we can do.

Season 3 Episode 73

Cliff: These hamburgers are too big for the kids, so if you could take them back...
Waiter: And you want me to cover them in ketchup, mustard and pickles and squeeze them into regular hamburger buns.
Cliff: Yes!
Waiter: Say no more, I have three kids myself, they don't like to eat here either.

In this episode, Cliff takes Rudy and her friends to a fancy restaurant where they order hamburgers. They are disappointed when the extra large gourmet burgers arrive on toast rather than buns. The waiter saves the day when he goes across the street and gets hamburgers from Circus Burger.

This story line really hit close to home! To say that Son #2 is a picky eater is an understatement. He will eat macaroni and cheese, but only if the noodles are straight and the cheese is an artificial orange color. He will eat chicken nuggets, but only from McDonalds. He is pretty flexible with hot dogs, but somewhat particular about the bun. He will eat cheese and sausage pizza from only from one restaurant in Chicago and one in Wisconsin. It drives me nuts sometimes! The good news is that he is healthy and is in no danger of starving…we manage to work within the parameters to squeeze in a healthy diet. The bad news is that it is not easy to go out eat and it is a challenge to eat at other homes. I suspect that he will outgrow this…his big brother’s food choices have expanded over time. I refuse to fight over food so I am willing to wait.

Season 3 Episode 71

Clair: Let's call Theo.
Cliff: Okay, on the count of three: one, two, three!
Cliff and Clair: (Very weakly) Theo...Theo.
Cliff: I'm all yelled out.
Clair: Cliff, do you think any of them will ever come up and check on us?
Cliff: I don't think so, dear. I think they've got us right where they want us.
Clair: How are we going to get the water?
Cliff: I'll get it. Gimme some help.
(Clair gives him a nudge out of bed and he immediately falls on his face.)
Clair: Cliff?
Cliff: Hm?
Clair: Are you okay?
Cliff: Yes, dear. I'm just gonna take a little nap.

In this episode, Cliff and Claire both get the flu and Theo is left in charge of the household.

This past Spring, Husband and I were both sick…fortunately, not at the same time. We were miserable! It has been years since I was that sick…I could not get out of bed for three days. I had to rely on someone to take the boys to and from school.. When they got home, they were on their own for homework etc. I suspect there were a lot of Oreos eaten during those three days! I know that they tried their best, but when I emerged from my sick bed, the house was a wreck! It took me a couple of days to finally get things back in order. I guess there are certain things that only a Mommy can do…

Season 3 Episode 70

In this episode, the Huxtables play several practical jokes on each other. Practical jokes occur frequently during the eight seasons. I love the playfulness that this shows among the family members. The jokes are never malicious and are very creative. They illustrate the depth of the relationships and the fun that a family can have together.

I love having fun with my family! We are not big practical jokers…maybe we are just not creative enough. However, we do laugh a lot and enjoy doing things together. Whether it is kayaking or fishing or watching a movie together, we enjoy spending time together. I hope that one day, when my boys are grown, they will remember the times that we spent together and know that we always made spending time with them a priority.

Season 3 Episode 69

Sondra: Turning fifty is a monumental occasion in a man's life.
Cliff: Oh, Lord, who let this child in the house?

I just have to say that, when I was watching The Cosby Show when it was first televised in the mid-80s, I did not think that Cliff Huxtable was old…but I did consider him to be older. He was a doctor, he owned a home, he had children in college and high school, etc. Now, I find out twenty years later that, in the third season, he is only turning fifty! Husband is almost fifty, for goodness sake, and our kids are nowhere near college age! In the show, they make Cliff and Claire seem so mature…I don’t feel that mature at all. Some days, I still feel like I am waiting to grow up.

Welcome to my World!

My two boys have ADHD. I don’t think I have mentioned this before on my blog. It is not a secret…there are a lot of things I have not mentioned yet. For example, I also have two black cats, I don’t really like to cook, Husband likes to race sailboats, and I watch the Guiding Light. I figured I would write about this now, because I thought it would help you better understand my perspective on life and also give you additional insight into our family.

Son #1 was diagnosed when he was 4 ½ years old…there was little doubt. He struggled with impulsivity and was just uncomfortable in his own skin. Since then, he has been on medication 24/7 and we have made many behavioral changes in our home. To give you an idea of how important his medication is to him, after taking his very first pill, he turned to me and said…”Mommy, I love my new quiet body.”

Son #2 (age 7) was only recently diagnosed. His symptoms are less severe and he really only needs medication to help him get through structured situations that require him to interact socially with others…school, day camp, Sunday School, and so on. In other situations, his symptoms can usually be managed through behavior modification strategies. A good explanation of the difference between the two boys…Son #1 cannot get through his morning routine without his medication. I give him his dosage 15 minutes before he actually gets up in the morning. Son #2 can get through breakfast and to school, but, if I forget to give him his medication, you can bet I will get a call from his teacher by 9 AM!

I love my boys! ADHD rocks our world! This may sound counterintuitive but Son #1 has the kindest spirit and he is so kind to others…especially other children who have special needs. He knows what it is like to be “different” and he reaches out to others. I have been moved to tears by his tenderheart. Son #2 loves life and he is a “party ready to happen.” He brings joy to everyone around him. I really think that having boys with ADHD has helped me be a better and more patient parent…I have had to do a lot of reading, actively develop behavior modification strategies and stay on my toes. It has also helped me develop a compassion for other parents that I would not have come by on my own.

Season 3 Episode 66

Rudy: Smoking's not good for you. It makes your breath stink, it gets your lungs dirty, and then you die. Smoking also causes forest fires, which is why you never see animals smoke.
Vanessa: I think she gets the point, Rudy.
Rudy: None of MY friends smoke!

In this episode, Vanessa has a friend who insists on smoking in Vanessa's bedroom. Vanessa is shocked when Cliff is understanding when she has to explain it to him.

There were two things that were interesting to me…

• Vanessa’s friend was really dishonoring in her choice to smoke in Vanessa’s room. She knew that Vanessa could really get in trouble with her parents and did not seem to care.
• Since this episode first aired in 1987, attitudes have really changed about smoking. Vanessa’s friend wanted to smoke because it was “cool”…my kids don’t see smoking as cool. (Thank goodness!) Their attitude is more consistent with Rudy.

The other AM, Husband and the boys went out to breakfast at a small family restaurant in rural Wisconsin. The non-smoking section of the restaurant was in name only. Since there is no smoking allowed in any restaurants in Chicago, the boys are not used to inhaling second-hand smoke as they eat their pancakes. Son #2 came home and said, “Now, I know what it is like to smoke…Yuck!”

Parenting vs. Babysitting

At a school event this week, one mom said that her husband was home “babysitting.” Another mom was quick to correct her…”You mean parenting?” I thought about that on the way home. You would never say that a mom is babysitting her kids. Why is it considered babysitting when a dad stays home alone with the kids? Is it just a matter of semantics or is there a real difference?

In my opinion, both babysitters and parents have a RESPONSIBILITY for the child’s welfare. While the child is in their care - regardless of the length of time, they are responsible for keeping him safe and warm, etc. In addition, both babysitters and parents are INVOLVED and (theoretically) ENGAGED with the child. Some do this better than others and the level of involvement is often dependent on the quality of the relationship. The biggest difference in my mind is that parents have a vested OWNERSHIP in the child and a babysitter does not. While a babysitter may love the child, a parent is invested in the child’s future and has made (and will continue to make) sacrifices for that child. This sets a parent apart from a babysitter.

What do you think? Is it a matter of semantics or is there a real difference?

Season 3 Episode 64

In this episode, Rudy is working on another school project and reluctantly accepts Vanessa’s help. Vanessa criticizes her drawings and suggests that she cut out some pictures. Not specifying where she should find those pictures, Rudy decides to cut the pictures out of Cliff’s encyclopedias and prized bird books.

Cliff: (to Rudy) Is this dinner any good?
Rudy: (long-faced) Yes.
Cliff: What are we having?
Rudy: Chicken.
Cliff: Is it the same chicken that was in this book?

Teaching kids good judgment is a challenge and they can take things so literally. When I asked Son #1 to “take out the garbage,” he took the garbage bag out of the house and set it by the garage. He took the garbage out, but he did not put the garbage in the garbage can. When I asked Son #2 to pick up the clothes in his room, he left his socks and pjs on the floor…apparently, they are not considered “clothes” in his mind. He also threw all of the clothes – clean and dirty – in the laundry basket.

I am trying to figure out the puzzle which is the mind of a young boy and figure out how to best communicate with them. I suspect that, if I am successful, I will have discovered one of the holy grails of parenting.

Heeere Fishy, Fishy, Fishy!

This summer, we decided to have a fishing competition in our family. I thought it would be a fun tradition to start. If all went well, I thought we could hang a plaque in the cottage memorializing the first fish of the season, the biggest fish, and most fish caught over the summer. I even made a chart so that everyone could keep track of their progress.

Everyone seemed to be excited until we noticed that Son #2 was running away with the lead. The fact that he got the first fish was undisputed…we were all there and celebrated with him. However, his count is up to 42 fish! Daddy has about 12 and Son #1 has about 8; I have only 3 “pity fish”…I have not caught any this year. I think that there is some shady accounting going on.

When pressed for details, he informed us that…”Two nibbles equal one fish.” Hmmm… Since I can easily confuse a seaweed snag with a nibble, I am not so sure about this. He also said that any fish caught with a net equals two fish. He spent hours one day lying on the pier catching blue gills with a net. I have to admit it took a lot of patience and hand-eye coordination, but still…

I think Son #2 is going to be the first official winner of our family fishing competition in all three categories. I also think we may have to revisit the rules next year…maybe we will require photographic proof. At least we had fun!

This is one of our favorite fishing videos…ENJOY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFTjeaDlxDI

Season 3 Episode 63

Maxine: Theo, why do you think we came over here?
Theo: To get help with your math.
Maxine: Why would we do that when we get higher grades in math than you do?

In this episode, Theo is anxiously awaiting a phone from two girls who may come over for help with their math homework. When they finally show up, Maxine confesses that they don’t really need help with their math, but Lana really likes Theo…much to Theo’s delight.

My boys found this episode most amusing. They had lots of questions about the games girls and boys play when they like each other. They could not understand why Theo and girls were not just honest with each other. I assured them that, with time, they too would understand. I am afraid that day will come all too soon…

Breakfast with Pink Floyd

I woke up the other AM to find Husband and the boys having breakfast while listening to Pink Floyd. Not my choice in morning music, but apparently it opened all kinds of doors for conversation with the boys. As we he have learned with tv shows, you never know when or where opportunities will come up…and you got to grab ‘em and when you get ‘em!

“Wish You Were Here” led to a discussion on the negative impact of drugs, how one’s poor choices can affect others, how “everything in moderation” applies to more than just drugs…PHEW! Since the boys take medication every day, they also talked about taking drugs that benefit the body – in its intended dosage for its intended purpose – as opposed to taking drugs for pleasure or in excess. It was quite a morning and, as Son #2 says, “Daddy rocks!”