Insanity = Parenthood?

I read today that Albert Einstein defined insanity as…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I could not help but think that this also defines parenting. As a parent, we do the same thing over and over again and expect – or is it hope? – different results. Stop touching him! Go to bed! Get out of bed! We say the same things over and over again hoping one day they will listen…the first time. Does this mean we are insane?

Season 2 Episode 32

In this episode, Denise gets her driver’s license and wants to use her savings to buy a car. She gets upset when Cliff wants to check out the car and insists that she should be able to do whatever she wants with her money.

Clair: Denise, deep down, you know you can pretty much do anything you want because you know we're always there to bail you out. You see, we're your safety net. We're so good at it, half the time you don't even know we're doing it. And, your father and I accept that responsibility because we're your parents. And, you'd better not ever forget that, young lady. Because if you EVER take THIS attitude with us again, you can take whatever is in that bank account of yours and go DISCOVER America!

Attitude is such a difficult thing to handle. I have had some discussions recently with Son #1 regarding his attitude. It is a hard concept to define…it is not a specific behavior, it is more of a response. I tried to explain to my son that he displays a “poor attitude” when he has an automatic negative response to something. Conversely, a positive attitude would be an positive response. That seemed to make the nebulous concept of “attitude” more manageable for him. We're working on it...one day at a time.

Sleeping with the "Enemy"

We have never been a big “family bed” family. While it is not something that we have ever actually discussed, the children stay in their beds and we stay in ours. Perhaps it is because I tend to be a bit grumpy when woken from a deep sleep…no one wants to disturb a sleeping bear.

For some reason, Son #2 decided to tempt fate the other morning and crawl in bed with me just before sunrise. He crawled over me and whispered, “I love you, Mommy.” How could I refuse? I was overcome with love and affection and was hoping for a fond memory moment. Until…he started to move his limbs like the hands of a clock.

At 12:30 – with his head at the top and his feet at the end – he was so adorable. At 3:45, his head was butting into my ribs and his feet were pulling the sheets off the bed. At 6:00, his toes were tickling my chin. And, at 9:15, he kicked me in the lower back (I had turned over) and now I had to go to the bathroom. Finally, he was back to 12:30 again and I heard, “I love you, Mommy.” By this time, I was ready to get up…I would just have to take a nap later. By myself!

Season 2 Episode 31

In “Rudy Suits Up,” Rudy joins a peewee football team and becomes a star player. Her family is very excited to cheer for her and football fever hits the Huxtable house. Claire starts watching a Bears game with Cliff and criticizes Walter Payton because he gets tackled. Cliff leaves the room when Claire and Denise start commenting on the uniforms and the attractiveness of certain players.

I enjoy watching sports with my husband…football, basketball, tennis, baseball. However, I too have spoiled many games/matches for him by my extraneous comments. I know all of the rules and appreciate the talents of the players, but I also notice many other things…conflicts in the stands, poorly dressed coaches, inappropriate actions by the players, unattractive hairstyles, and so on. I like to think of it as color commentary…

My Little Machiavelli

Son #2 told me the other day that he does not want to go to sports camp next year. He has decided that I must be lonely during the day. Despite my objections, he told me that I need his company and his cuddles.

I thought it was so sweet! Husband thought it was manipulative. I, of course, heard, “Mommy, you are the greatest and I love you so much. I miss you when we are apart.” Husband said that he probably meant “Sports camp is hot and sweaty. At home, I can watch tv and play video games. I might even get to go to Target.” Ignorance, on my part, is bliss.

Season 2 Episode 26

Clair: Appliances can be hard to resist sometimes. They're shiny, they make weird noises, they have those buttons that light up. That's why your father likes them!

Cliff has a thing about tools and appliances. In this episode, he buys a juicer which proves to be too tempting to Rudy and her friend, Peter.

We all have things that are hard to resist. We have talked to the boys about the difference between needs, wants and wishes. Daddy and Mommy will always take care of their needs, but they need to manage their wants and wishes. Son #1 seems to deal with this better than Son #2…perhaps it is age, perhaps it is personality. Time will tell.

A Tale of Two Brothers – Part 2

My boys are attending a sports camp this week. Non-stop sports from 9 AM – 3 PM for the next three weeks. The teams earn points for wins, as well as sportsmanship and teamwork.

On Day One, Son #1 was hit in the face with a soccer ball. He said that the boy who kicked the ball helped him up and walked with him to find an icepack. Son #2 responded, “He just wanted to earn sportsmanship points.” While I will admit that it was probably true, I was startled by his cynicism. I could tell that Son #1 wanted to believe that the boy genuinely was interested in his well-being, but then again, he is a kindhearted boy. Son #2 is a realist and naturally more self-centered than his brother.

As they grow older, they will need to find a middle ground. Husband and I are going to have to help prepare Son #1 for the real world…not everyone is as sweet as he is. Likewise, I hope we can temper Son #2’s developing cynicism…he needs to look for the good in the world and in others.

P.S. Son #1 was so disappointed when he woke up the next AM without a black eye. He was really hoping that he had a shiner to wear to camp that day...a badge of honor. Son #2 offered to give him one, but I cheered him up by saying that there would be other opportunities to get hit in the face...baseball, volleyball, football, basketball... One can only hope!

Season 2 Episode 25

The first day of school…one of the most exciting days of the year! In this episode, Cliff and Claire celebrate the first day of school and reclaim their freedom.

I enjoy spending the summer with my boys as we travel back and forth to the cottage. But after awhile, I also look forward to the routine that comes when school starts again. I also look forward to going grocery shopping by myself, going to Target by myself…having seven hours by myself! Only four more weeks...

Red Letter Day

Today, I was carded! I went to Target and purchased a cube of wine as a gift for a friend (only the best for my friends!) and the cashier asked for my ID! I almost cheered. I realize it is probably store policy to card everyone who is breathing, but still… It has been at least 15 years since I have seriously been carded. I was delighted.

On a related note, I have determined that Target is like a drug to me and I am seriously addicted. I went into the store to purchase some sunscreen and ended up with five full bags! What is it about that store? I could probably feed, clothe, bathe and entertain our family indefinitely just by shopping at Target…and they have a Starbucks inside the front door! Perhaps it is the hypnotic target logo…

Age is Just a Number

I am turning 44 this year. My children are currently 7 and 11 years old. When my mom was 44 years old, I met my husband…she was 45 when I got married! My mom is turning 65 today. Happy Birthday, Mom! When I am 65, my boys will be 28 and 32. I wonder if they will be married then? I wonder if they will have children? I potentially could be on Social Security and Medicare and not have any grandchildren! I don’t feel old. I don’t think I look or dress old. Is it because I have young children? Is it because of my “state of mind”?

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know that plans that I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I believe that I got married at the age of 24 according to God’s plan. I also believe that it was God’s plan that I have a career for eight years before starting a family…and as a result, I am farther along the age curve than some of the parents in my kids’ class. And, because of God, I have a hope for our future…no matter how old I am.

Season 1 Episode 21

In this episode, a widower friend brings his new girlfriend to meet the Huxtable’s. Cliff and Claire are surprised to discover that she is almost half his age, but after an evening together, decide that the two are quite compatible. This leads to a conversation between Cliff and Claire about what they would do should the other die…would they date or remarry?

My boys were not particularly interested in this episode…anything that has to do with love and romance is pretty gross to them right now. I, however, wanted to know exactly when my husband would start dating and a list of names. He tried to pacify me by saying that he would be so grief-stricken that he would never be able to date, but I wasn’t falling for it. To be honest, there really was not a good answer…he could not win either way.

What's Next?

We have finished all eight seasons of The Cosby Show and we are now trying to figure out what to watch next. Son #2 suggested we start Cosby all over again, but I think there might be other options out there...

• Perhaps we should watch Gilligan’s Island again and refresh our quicksand survival skills.
• We could try Mork and Mindy…we should be prepared in case an alien lands in our backyard and wants to observe life on Earth The only problem is that I have always suspected that Husband has had a crush on Mindy and that could be annoying after awhile.
• The Beverly Hillbillies could be helpful in case we every strike oil near the cottage and decide to move to California.
• F-Troop or McHale’s Navy might provide insights if the boys choose to enter military service.
• The Partridge Family would be good if this banking thing does not work out for Husband and we decide to take the show on the road.
• We could try Leave It to Beaver again, but the whole concept of the mother character wearing a dress and cooking in the kitchen was a bit confusing for the boys.

There are so many options! Any more ideas?

Season 1 Episode 18

While not the main plot of this episode, Cliff attempts to fix the family dishwasher. It proves to be such a disaster that he ends up having to replace the entire unit…and tries to keep it a secret from Claire. This is the beginning of many unlucky home improvement projects in the Huxtable home.

My husband is able to do many things around the house. In many cases, it is more often a case of time rather than ability…except when it comes to plumbing. Husband is NOT allowed to do anything plumbing related…this is by mutual agreement. Bad things happen when pipes, water, and a soldering iron are involved. It is not good for our house or our marriage.

Four Magic Words

There are four magic words that mean the world to Son #2…just Mommy and me. Son #1 got to go to a week of kayaking camp and Son #2 was initially disappointed. Until he realized that he got to spend the whole week...just Mommy and me. Son #1 got to go on a play date to the zoo and Son #2 was not invited. This caused some serious distress until he figured out that he got to spend the entire day with just Mommy! I enjoy the relationship that I share with Son#2 right now. I know that someday he will prefer to be with his friends…I hope it does not come too soon. In the interim, I will enjoy my time with just Son #2 and me.

Season 1 Episode 17

In this episode, Claire finds a joint in Theo’s backpack. Cliff and Claire confront Theo and he adamantly denies that the joint belongs to him. They believe him, but Theo still feels like their trust has been compromised. He discovers that the joint belongs to a classmate who shoved it into Theo’s book to hide it from a teacher. Theo convinces him to come to the Huxtable home and confess.

There were so many things that I appreciated about this episode…

• Cliff and Claire confronted Theo directly. They did not wait to gather more “evidence”…they did not worry about it indefinitely.
• When Theo insisted upon his innocence, his parents trusted him. Had they persisted in their doubts, their relationship with Theo could have been permanently harmed…he needed to know that they believed in him.
• Theo placed a high value on his parents’ trust. His parents had taught him that, once broken, trust is not easily restored.
• Theo wanted to prove that their trust was not misplaced. He took a great risk in confronting his classmate.

As my boys get older, I suspect that we will be faced with issues of honesty and trust. I hope that we handle them in ways that will build up our relationship, maintain our mutual trust, and hold our boys accountable for their actions (if appropriate).

I wonder…?

The other night, Son #2 asked me who owned our cottage…just Mommy and Daddy or all four of us. I told him that Mommy and Daddy owned the cottage. After thinking about it, he decided that was not fair. I asked him if he had a job…a bit of a shaky question I will admit since I myself don’t have an income producing job. He admitted that he did not have a job, but he does do chores. I explained that doing chores are part of being in a family…they are our way of contributing. He was getting ready to make his next argument for an ownership stake in the cottage when I told him it was time for bed. It was getting late to debate property ownership with a seven-year old. I wonder what he will be someday…perhaps an attorney?

Season 1 Episode 16

Having watched all of The Cosby Show episodes, it has been interesting to note that they did a concert/dance club story for three of the Cosby kids…Denise, Vanessa and Rudy. Each one was handled a bit differently.

In “The Jitterbug Break,” Denise asks her father if she can sleep outside overnight to buy tickets to a concert. He, of course, refuses to consider it. All of her friends admit that their parents also turned them down and an acquaintance agrees to purchase the tickets on their behalf. Cliff and Claire trust Denise so much that they make plans to go out dancing with some friends. The episode ends with Denise and her friends and Cliff, Claire and their friends all dancing happily in the living room.

This was such a happy episode…Denise complied with her parents and they all danced happily ever after. It was a nice fairy tale ending to watch with the kids. The deeper discussions came when Vanessa and Rudy were a bit less compliant when their turn came in future seasons.

Apple Juice

One thing that I have noticed about The Cosby Show is that there are no obvious product placements. They do not drink Coke products, the kids do not wear Nike shoes, Cliff does not drive a Ford, and so on. The one product that does recur in episode after episode is apple juice. If a family member offers a guest something to drink, the answer is usually…apple juice! When someone goes into the refrigerator, they usually walk away with at least one bottle of…apple juice. This is not just something that I have noticed…my whole family has noticed this and it has become quite the joke. Now, when I ask the boys what they would like to drink with their dinner, they will answer, “Apple Juice!” The funny part is that we have not had apple juice in our house since the days of sippy cups.

Season 1 Episode 14

In “Independence Day,” Theo gets his ear pierced in order to impress a girl. He is afraid to tell his parents…even after his ear gets infected. He claims to Denise that his pierced ear is a symbol of his independence. His parents eventually learn the truth. As the episode continues, we learn that both Cliff and his father both made foolish choices…all in order to impress a girl.

I wonder what my boys will do one day…as a show of independence or to impress a girl. Will it be a piercing or a tattoo? How will we respond? If it is not a moral or legal issue, I trust that we will react within reason. (I hope!) I suspect that Son #2 will stretch the limits more than Son #1, but we may be surprised!

How Times Have Changed…

One of the things that we have enjoyed about watching the first season of The Cosby Show is the technological advancements from the 80’s until now. In one episode, Vanessa is frantically looking for her term paper. My boys wonder why she doesn’t just print another copy. I have to explain that she probably used a typewriter – versus a PC – and only has one copy. Son #2 asked if he could see what a typewriter looks like!

In the first season, there are several other differences…the big console tv in the middle of the living room without a remote control; corded phones; record player. It is noticeable that the kids don’t have cell phones, iPods or video games. The family does not have a DVD player, an answering machine or a microwave. They have a station wagon instead of a minivan. I remember those days!

All of our Cosby conversations with the boys are not always deep and life changing. Watching the series has given us an opportunity to give the boys a glimpse into what life was like when we were growing up. I think they have concluded we are really old!

Season 1 Episode 12

Rudy (yelling from upstairs): Daddy!! Did Mommy leave?
Cliff: Yes. What do you want?
Rudy: Mommy!

In this episode, Rudy is sick, but Claire must go to work for an interview. Cliff takes care of her, but despite being a doctor, she still wants Mommy.

How true! When the kids are sick, they want Mommy. They cough on Mommy and sneeze on Mommy and guess who gets sick next? Daddy!

I am fortunate that I have the happiest sick kids in the world. Only twice has Son #2 really been leveled by illness and ended up hospitalized with pneumonia. I have since learned to pay attention when he starts to slow down.

Young Indiana Jones

Last night, Son #1 and I were watching an episode of the Young Indiana Jones series. My boys are currently obsessed with Indiana Jones and they have enjoyed watching a young Indy meet a variety of historical figures.

In the first half, Indy and his family were in Vienna and they had dinner with Sigmund Freud. Son #1 learned some interesting words, but, for the most part, it was harmless. In the second half, Indy and his family travelled to Florence where they met Puccini. I must not have been paying attention because, at some point, Mr. Jones left the family to go lecture in another city. While spending time with Indy and his mother, Puccini develops more than a casual interest in Mrs. Jones. As the story continues, Mrs. Jones begins to return his attentions and Indy catches them in a compromising position at a café.

Son #1 asked, “Isn’t that against God? Should I be watching this?” I was not sure what to do. At first, I wanted to continue…hoping that Mrs. Jones would make the right choice. But then I realized that there was an outside chance that she may actually choose to run away with Puccini! We turned off the tv and talked about how married people need to make good choices and avoid tempting situations.

As I was lying in bed last night, I thought about what I should have done differently. I wished I had been paying attention and turned off the episode sooner. It was a ridiculous episode and we really did not need to watch it. However, having watched it, I do wish we had seen how Mrs. Jones and Indy and resolved their relationship. Son #1 and I talked this morning about how hurt Indy must have been to see his mommy with another man and that she owed him a big apology. I told him that grown-ups make mistakes…some little, some big.

Season 1 Episode 11

We are very fortunate to have the children, Cliff. Otherwise we wouldn't know the joy of leaving them home! – Claire Huxtable

In this episode, Cliff declares “You are Not a Mother Night” and takes Claire away for a special dinner and an overnight at the Biltmore. The kids are left home in the care of Denise.

I have found that sometimes the greatest joy is going out with Husband without the kids. We can go to restaurants that do not serve chicken tenders and hot dogs and we can go to see movies that do not feature talking animals. We can also have a conversation without warning one another use our inside voices and without reminding the other to chew with their mouth closed. However, at the end of the evening, we also looking forward to returning home and looking in the sweet, sleeping heads of our offspring.

A Tale of Two Brothers

My two sons are so very different in so many ways. This week, they are attending different groups of the same zoo camp. When I picked up Son #1, I asked him if he had a good day and if he met anyone in his small group. He said he had a great time and could not remember the names of anyone in his group. When we found Son #2, he also had enjoyed his day and proceeded to introduce us to Tony and ask if Tony could come over for a playdate. Strangers in the morning, Tony and Son #2 had become fast friends over lunch. Despite their different experiences, both boys loved camp!

P.S. I have to give Son #1 a lot of credit. This is the 7th year that he has gone to zoo camp and the second camp he has attended this summer on his own. He is completely comfortable with himself and does not need to be surrounded by friends to have fun. When I was his age, there is NO WAY I could have done that…I would have been too afraid to take risks without a close friend attached to my hip. I really respect that he refuses to hide behind his shyness and he is willing to try new things. Way to go!

Season 1 Episode 8

What do you do when a child starts a musical instrument and then wants to quit?

In this episode, Vanessa wants to quit the clarinet because she does not want to participate in an upcoming recital. She is not very good and is afraid of embarrassing herself. Cliff does not allow her to quit since she made a commitment to the recital and arranges for extra lessons to help her.

Son #1 has started taking guitar lessons. It has become a wonderful bonding experience between Son #1 and his father. His father joins him every week for his lesson and they practice together every day. Playing guitar and taking lessons has taken on much more meaning for Son #1 and I know that they will remember this time forever.

4th of July Fireworks

I have been stewing over this for a few days…

One of the things that we enjoy the most about the 4th of July at our cottage is taking the boat out to the middle of the lake and watching the fireworks. There are about a dozen sites around the lake that have fireworks…some are quite elaborate and it can go on for quite awhile.

This year, our neighboring association down the lake decided to get into the act. They had about 25 or so adults and children gathered on their beach. As one of my neighbors was walking her mother – who recently had knee surgery – down our pier to their boat, a firework misfired and instead of shooting up, it headed straight for my neighbor! The exploding shell ricocheted off the water with such force that it drenched my neighbor and her mother and missed hitting them by inches. The only comment from the neighboring association was a kid who said…”That was awesome!” No apology…no one asked if anyone was hurt. My neighbors showed remarkable restraint…they considered all of our kids and did not want them to see the adults get angry.

When I talk about teachable moments, there were several that my kids learned on the 4th of July.

• Fireworks can be dangerous.
• Your life can change in a minute.
• Even in situations that justify anger, you do not have to get angry.
• If you make a mistake, you should take responsibility.

I wonder what the other kids learned…

Season 1 Episode 7

Clair: So you don't want another one?
Cliff: There's times that I don't even want the ones we have.

After babysitting for a friend, Claire becomes obsessed with having another baby…much to the concern of her family. After talking to her mother, the feeling passes and she realizes that she can wait for grandchildren...much to the relief of her family.

I think I have finally gotten past the twinge I would get whenever I would hold a friend’s baby. With two boys, I always used to think it would be so nice to have a little girl. (In fact, Son #2 still asks from time to time when he is going to get a sister.) I am now content in this season of our lives…enjoying the freedom of having both boys in school and looking forward to spending more time with Husband while Son #1 babysits.

Season 1 Episode 6

I got nothing on this one…Denise is picking a college. We are just hoping that our boys get into a good high school.

Happy 4th of July!

Overheard at the Ballpark

Sitting in the bleachers watching my nephew’s little league game, I overheard a father say that he would rather be a buddy to his young sons than an authority figure. I wanted to say…"Check back with me in a few years and let me know how that is working for you." Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” It does not say, "Be your kid’s best friend and, when he does not know right from wrong, he will say, “Thanks Dad/Mom.”

What do I want my kids to say about me when they grow older? I hope that they will say that I loved them unconditionally and I helped them to believe that they can do or be anything that they want to be. I hope that they will say that I taught them to honor God and each other. I hope that they will feel prepared to enter the world and face the many challenges that are ahead of them. Most of all, I hope that they know that they are God’s most special creations.

Season 1 Episode 5

“Mom, will you buy me…?” How many times a day do I hear this?? We started the boys on an allowance, but there still seems to be so many things that they have to have.

In Episode 5, Theo buys a $95 designer shirt for a date. His parents make him return it, because they feel it is excessive.

"No 14-year-old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he's on stage with his 4 brothers.” – Cliff Huxtable

We had a great discussion with our boys after this episode. We don’t buy everything we want…not necessarily because we can’t afford it, but because we don’t need it. We are expected to be good stewards of our money and we should spend, give and save it wisely.