Season 5 Episode 112

In this episode, Claire gets a new couch. She tries to have the old one taken away while Cliff is at the hospital, but Cliff becomes aware of her plan and refuses to let the movers take the couch. At the end of the episode, Claire finally convinces Cliff to let go of the couch.

After 12 years, I finally got two new love seats. Yippee! There was nothing structurally wrong with them and the fabric was still in pretty good shape, but it was time...I was tired of them. I don’t think I was quite prepared for the impact it would have on my children. We gave them to a family who has little furniture and they picked them up a few days before the new ones were delivered. I think the boys were afraid that I was slowly giving away all of our possessions when they came home from school and the living room was empty. They were relieved the following week when they came home and saw the new and improved love seats. Nevertheless, I think Son #2 has chained his bed to the wall….just in case.

Season 5 Episode 110

In this episode, Vanessa has a new boyfriend. She starts breaking many family rules and gets caught in several lies. Cliff and Claire invite the boyfriend, Jeremy, over to the house to discuss the situation. They point out to him that he is expecting Vanessa to disobey her parents while he would not defy his own parents.

There were three things that I really liked about his episode…

1. They faced the problem directly.

Clair: So she's out with Jeremy.
Cliff: You know what we should do? We should turn this couch around so the first thing she sees when she gets home is us.
Clair: Let's move it now.

2. They did not tolerate lying in their home.

Clair: And you have a bad memory! You don't remember that if there's one thing we will not abide by in this house, it's being lied to by our children. And any child who stands up and knowingly tells a bold-faced lie will be punished!
Rudy: They will?
Clair: Yes, ma'am, they will. They'll be grounded for 2 weeks.

3. They pointed out the double standard…the girl was expected to break the rules, but the boy was not. In some cases, the opposite could be true. Neither party in a relationship should be defying their parents if they are doing the right thing.

Cliff: Does Vanessa ask you to disobey your parents?
Jeremy: No.
Cliff: So why is it all right for you to ask our daughter to disobey us?
Jeremy: It isn't.

My boys are a few years away from dating. But when they start, I hope I remember WWCD!

Season 5 Episode 109

In this episode, Rudy babysits for her friend, Caroline’s hamster. During the night, Darren the hamster becomes ill and Cliff and Rudy rush him to the veterinarian’s office. The hamster dies during the exam. Cliff buys a new hamster and tries to pass him off to Caroline as Darren. Caroline is not fooled, but she also is not upset…apparently, this happens every time someone looks after her hamster.

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the reputation.

One day, I walked into Son #2’s bedroom and found his beta fish “Bluey” floating at the top of the tank. Having worked through the various stages of heart-breaking grief when his fish “Shark” died just a few months earlier, I was not too eager to experience it again so soon. So, I made the decision to quietly replace the fish while he was at school. I went to Petsmart and analyzed all of the beta fish and selected one that most closely resembled Bluey…until I got home. Bluey was appropriately named because of his distinct blue color. The new fish I had purchased was blue in the store, but when I got it home it looked really red. There was not much I could do but hold my breath and keep my fingers crossed. I kept Son #2 from his room until bedtime and then came a loud scream…”MOMMY!!! BLUEY IS TURNING RED!!” My quick thinking response was…”Those things happen.” For some reason, that seemed to satisfy him. Would you believe that “Bluey” has turned out to be quite a hearty fish? From time to time, Son #2 will look at it suspiciously and comment on its color, but other than that my secret seems secure.

100 Ways to Raise Money

Son #2 is trying to raise money to buy another Webkinz. His creativity is amazing. I am convinced he has tried to collect his allowance three times this week. I heard him try and talk his brother into placing a bet on a video game the other day. He even tried to negotiate with me to pay him $1 to try the “icky, green” vegetable that I made for dinner one night.

One night, I thought he had really crossed the line. He called me into his room and told me that he had pulled out a tooth. I started grilling him…Was the tooth even loose when he went to bed? Hadn't he lost that tooth before? I actually was afraid he was scamming the tooth fairy for an extra buck. Who’s crazy now?

My Little Voyagers

In an effort to get the most out of our Netflix subscription, we have been shaking up our tv viewing selections. In no particular order, we have been watching “F-Troop,” “McHale’s Navy” and “Petticoat Junction.” I am proud to say that we have almost mastered the theme song to F-Troop and I think we finally know the difference between Billie Jo, Bobbie Jo and Betty Jo Bradley. Other than that, these shows have not provided many life lessons.

We have also started watching a show from the early 80’s called “Voyagers.” I don’t remember it at all from its original release, but it has been a lot of fun. The show is about a “voyager” and his sidekick who travel through time to prevent or correct problems that could potentially alter the course of history. Some are easy…what if Newton did not sit under the apple tree or if Lewis and Clark chose the wrong path and got lost. Some are more challenging…what if Lincoln got captured and was unable to get to Gettysburg. The boys have really enjoyed trying to anticipate the historical events and make connections to things that they have already learned. It has also provided us to ask our own “what if…” questions. For example, what if Mommy had not gone camping one weekend with friends and met Daddy? The whole course of our family history could have been tragically altered.

Season 5 Episode 107

In this episode, Vanessa and her friends make a music video for a contest at a local tv station. The winner could receive a record contract. Since their combined vocal talent is not strong, they have to rely on their costumes and dance moves. The problem is that Cliff and Claire find their costumes too skimpy and their dance moves too suggestive.

Should I mention the Luvabulls again? (11/20/08) As Son #2 has asked, “Why do girls have to dance like that in their underwear?” Good question.

Duck!

The other day, we were at the airport to pick up Husband. We were waiting by the baggage claim and I sent the boys to check his flight status on the monitors. As typically happens, they got distracted. Before I knew it, they were over by the kiosks for making hotel reservations. I was too far away to call out to them and I could not leave all of our coats etc. on the chairs and walk over them. You know...security level orange and all. I really did not want to pick everything up and go down to retrieve them. So, I did the next best thing I could think of…I started sending them telepathic messages. “Come back NOW!” “1-2-3!” “You are in SO much trouble!!” It did not work…I picked up the coats and went to get them.

I asked Son #2…”Why didn’t you come back? Why didn’t you listen to the mind messages I was sending you?” He responded, “It wasn’t that I did not listen…I saw them coming and I ducked.”

The Power of Target

I know I have mentioned before that Target is my “happy place.” I have been there twice each day this week. I can buy just about everything I need at Target.

I was riding the elevator the other day with a woman and we were discussing an ongoing construction project at our Target. We were trying to guess what wonderful treat was in store for us. I mentioned to her that Target was my happy place. She responded…”You too! It is my happy place!” I felt that I had found a kindred spirit. She went on to say that she was from out-of-town and was in Chicago temporarily while her dad was in a coma. Every day, after she drops her daughter at school, she stops at Target on the way to the hospital to spend the day with her dad. It made all of my problems seem so insignificant.

Never underestimate the power of Target...

Mommy Radar Update (9.25.08)

The other night I was awaken by a quiet whimpering sound. Before I ran to rescue my beloved child, I sat in bed and tried to figure out which one was in trouble. I figured a few extra seconds would not matter given the satisfaction I would feel knowing that I guessed the right child. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the whimpering sound was our cat, Lucy, asleep in our closet and snoring. So much for Super Mommy.

Season 5 Episode 99

In this episode, Theo leaves for college and moves into the dorms at NYU. Denise also announces that she is dropping out of Hillman and is hoping to move back home. Cliff tells Clair that the kids will never leave and that they want to take over the house. He suggests that they run away and never return.

This was a recurring theme in the Cosby Show…children leaving and returning. It always provided an opportunity to explain to the boys that the objective is for them to finish school and get a job. One day, they must leave…and hopefully not return except for occasionally visits and holidays. Son #2 is less sure of this plan than Son #1…he is unsure that I will be able to survive without him. I have tried to explain that Daddy and I did well for 8 years before children and would like to have the chance to try again someday.

Visit to Santa

The other night, we went to have dinner at the Walnut Room at Macy’s (formerly known as Marshall Fields). It is our annual tradition to meet another family and we sit by the big Christmas tree. Very festive!

After dinner, we all go visit Santa. My boys still prepare a wish list for Santa…just in case. When we get there, Santa asks them the typical questions…”Have you been good this year?” “Do you get along with your brother?” Son #2 just smiles and nods…he is not going to risk lying, but he is also not going to risk telling the truth. For Son #1, it is like he is at his therapist. For two years straight, the elf has said she has never seen a more honest child.

Santa: Have you been good this year?
Son #1: I really try, but it sure is not easy.

Santa: Do you get along with your brother?
Son #1: Most of the time, but he can really get on my nerves.

Santa: Do you go to bed when you are told to?
Son #1: Sometimes I read with a flashlight.

Santa: Do you keep your room clean?
Son #1: Wanda (our cleaning lady) comes every other Tuesday so I clean my room when she comes.

Our visits to Santa are very cathartic for him…and informative for me.

A Glimpse of the Future

In school, Son #1 recently completed a unit on product design and development. They worked in teams to create a new product and today, they presented their marketing plans. Son #1 looked so professional in his sport coat and tie. Son #2 took a double-take when he came down to breakfast…it was like Daddy’s mini-me. Again, reminding me that time is passing so quickly.

The Big Question

The other day at breakfast, Son #2 asked me the big question...”Is Santa Claus real?” Those who know me well will acknowledge that mornings are not my sharpest time of the day…I was really caught off-guard. The best answer I could come up with was…”What do you think?” His suspicions were based on the handwriting on last year’s gift tags. Apparently, he noticed that all of the gifts – including Santa’s – were written in my handwriting. Smart boy! Fortunately, we had just listened to a radio drama about St. Nicholas so we talked about the history of Santa Claus and how the tradition has developed to include a red/white suit, elves, the North Pole, and reindeer. He seemed relieved to finally know the truth and promised to never spoil the secret for another child…he appreciated being a part of the conspiracy.

Later in the day, he asked another big question…”Is it better to rent or to own?”

Christmas Music

I just had one of my low points as a parent. Son #2 and I were looking through Christmas music on i-Tunes. Jingle Cats is one of our favorites. (Believe it or not…that is not the low point.) I pulled up their novelty Christmas music playlist. He wanted to hear the Chipmunks. I thought I found it, but what I was really playing was “Chipmunks Roasting Over an Open Fire.” It was pretty funny, but Son #2 was wondering why they were singing about crispy chipmunks burning over the fire.

Then, it got worse. We found a song called, “I Farted on Santa’s Lap.” Son #2, of course, insisted upon listening to it. I was only too happy to oblige, because the next song on the list was “I Had Sex with Santa.” We stopped looking at the list after that! We are now listening to my pre-screened list of Christmas music!

Google Me

Remember the post about my rants (11/20/08)? I mentioned a letter that I had sent to People magazine about Lisa Marie Presley.

Yesterday, in a fit of narcissism, I decided to Google myself. The first and only significant entry was my letter to People. I really believe that I have achieved more in my life. I gave birth to an 11 pound baby. I had a fairly successful career before I went on an extended maternity leave. I have been married to the same man for 20 years. While I still agree with my rant, I shudder to think that my greatest accomplishment is a letter to People!

It makes me wonder…do you think I can get within 20 miles of Graceland?

Season 4 Episode 96

In this episode, Denise comes home from college for the weekend and spends most of her time with her high school friends. Her family had been looking forward to seeing her and are disappointed by her lack of attention.

Our family spends each weekend together…like a clump. We go shopping together, to sporting events together, to the gym together. If we have nothing going on, we stay home together. There are times when I would rather we each go our separate ways, but I realize that this season will pass all too quickly. The time will come when I will wish that the boys would spend their weekends with us. Sometimes I would prefer to take a nap instead of going to a basketball game, but I am trying to make the most of every moment that we have together.

Season 4 Episode 94

While it was not the primary plot of this episode, we found it relevant nevertheless. Clair was very upset to find that Theo has a collection of car and motorcycle magazines filled with pictures of scantily clad women. She insists that he throws them away.

Raising boys is a challenge. As my boys are getting older, I am becoming more aware of the provocative images on billboards and the sides of buses. We TIVO football games so that we don’t have to watch all of the questionable advertisements. MTV is not even an option in our home right now. I realize that we cannot protect them forever and hide them under a rock, but I also want to prepare them to make wise choices. To choose their vehicles without relying on pictures of scantily clad women. To choose their sports teams without considering the sexy cheerleaders. I fear it is an uphill battle…but a battle worth fighting!

My Favorite Kids

I went shopping and bought Son #1 a t-shirt that says…”I’m Mom’s Favorite.” I also bought one for Son #2. They wore them with great pride to school the next day. They did not seem to be embarrassed that their clothes matched. They were just so happy to know that they were both my favorite.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Zoo

For the past year, Son #2 has kept a zoo in his bed!! He has had about 50 stuffed animals in his loft. As long as his sleep was not disrupted and he did not play throughout the night, we did not make him remove the animals. He had them all organized and it was very important to him to have “his friends” sleep with him. Until one night, I caught him playing into the wee hours with “his friends” and I had reached my limit on the sheets…they HAD to be washed. I spent four hours one day cleaning his room…it was unbelievable. I think he must have had one of every animal known to man.

I knew he was going to be devastated when he saw that his animals had been evicted. I was able to keep him from his room until bedtime and then the sobbing began. He went through all of the steps of grief and, when I told him he could only sleep with three friends, he quickly began negotiating. It was exhausting...fortunately, Husband was there for back-up. Son #2 is a really good negotiator!

The next AM, there were 12 animals in his bed! What a stinker. It was now or never…it was time to show him who was boss! Effective immediately, he could have two animals in his bed. For every night he fell asleep without messing around, he could add an animal up to ten. The total zoo would never again exceed ten. So far, so good. Some nights, it has been like Sophie’s Choice as he chooses who will be among the chosen few, but he is respecting the rule and everyone is taking it very seriously. The best part is that now I can wash his sheets again.

The Suggestion Box

Son #2 goes to the school office every day at noon to take some medication. I learned this week that, when he leaves the office, he has started writing notes and putting them in the school’s suggestion box. Apparently, he has a lot of opinions…I wonder where he gets that from??

Rants

From time to time, I suffer from “rant-itis.” I will hear, see or experience something that will get me so irritated that I just have to do something.

A few years ago, it was Lisa Marie Presley. She had been asked to testify before Congress about children and psychotropic medication. Her only expertise was her involvement with the Church of Scientology and its campaign to spread misinformation. I wrote to every member of the Congressional committee, corresponded with a local radio show host who was preparing a show on the topic, and even got a letter printed in People magazine. I still get the shakes when I see her on a talk show.

Now, I have a new rant. Last weekend, we took the boys to a Bulls game. Son #1 has started playing in the jr. NBA this fall and they played games on the United Center floor prior to the game. It was a great day until…the Luvabulls started dancing. Definitely not family-friendly entertainment! Son #2 called them “the icky girls in their underwear.” They basically performed a pole dance (sans pole) and gave the entire stadium a lap dance. I was horrified that I was exposing my boys to something so provocative and sexually explicit. Throughout the game, I felt a rant building. I went home and wrote a letter to the Chicago Bulls organization. I am also going to send a copy to a variety of media outlets, as well as the Illinois Attorney General.

The irony of the situation is that on Saturday AM, Husband and I had been researching Internet filters. The boys have started using their computer more and we want to limit the type of the information that they can access, as well as monitor the people with whom they can communicate. The images that they were exposed to at the Bulls game were a perfect example of something that we would seek to block by the Internet filter.

I am not sure if my letters will do any good, but I sure felt better after I wrote them!

Boys vs. Girls

Location: Son #1 Basketball Game

Girl: Delicately opens a bag of M&Ms and eats them one by one.

Boy: Rips open a 3-pack of Reese’s peanut butter cups. Holds them in one (melting!) while shoving another in his mouth.

Girl: Sweetly says, “Daddy, can I go throw my garbage in the trash and wash my hands?”

Boy: Stuffs the wrapper in my purse and wipes his hands on his jeans while licking his lips.

I would not trade my boy for anything!

Life Skills from the PT73

As I have mentioned, our family has been watching episodes of McHale’s Navy. We have enjoyed watching the antics of the crew of PT73 as they protect the South Pacific while driving their commanding officer crazy.

The other day, Son #1 asked his dad if he would teach him how to play poker. A bit unexpected I will admit, but Husband thought perhaps the boys at school were playing over lunch and he wanted to be able to play as well. Son #1 said, “No, Daddy, I saw it on McHale’s Navy.” I suggested to Husband that once they master poker, perhaps they could move on to blackjack, craps and chasing nurses. You never know what life skills we will be able to pass on to our children when we watch the old shows with them!

My Baby!

You know those frames where you can keep all of your kids’ school pictures? I have one for each of my boys hanging at the top of the stairs. They are quite tasteful…black frames with an ivory matte. Not the cheesy schoolhouse cutout I have seen in magazines. Anyway, there is a space for each year through high school in two rows. Today, I was putting in this year's pictures and I had to move to the 2nd row for Son #1! My baby is over halfway there. Where has the time gone??

The Morning After

I woke up this morning with hives on my feet…it felt like I was walking on tennis balls all day. I thought about any new food or medications I might have tried yesterday. I knew I had not tried any new soaps or lotions. There was only one big change yesterday… I sure hope that I don’t have to take Benedryl for four years.

So, I was getting the boys ready for school. I rattled off a list of what they needed to do…eat, brush, pack, shoes, jacket, etc. I told them to put everything by the backdoor because I had parked in our garage off the alley last night…something I do infrequently. Son #2 was quietly complying and I was surprised when he even remembered to put his things by the backdoor. I told him, “I really appreciate that you are being such a good listener!” He responded, “I was not listening, Mommy. I just got lucky!”

Obamapalooza

It is crazy in the big city tonight. I heard that they may petition to change the Illinois motto from the “Land of Lincoln” to the “Land of Obama.” There is even talk of putting his face on the penny. Who knows…maybe they will even add him to Mt. Rushmore. The way people are talking and acting…nothing would surprise me.

I had so many mixed feelings today. Anxious of the outcome regardless of the results. I did experience a sense of peace though while I was helping the boys with their homework (an uncommon occurrence!) when I heard the following song…

This is my Father’s world.
O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world:
the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

AMEN!

Trick or Treat!

Last night, we celebrated the annual ritual of dressing up and begging our neighbors for candy. My boys were so excited to dress up as Clone Troopers. The Star Wars magic continues! The weather was beautiful and we had a fun night walking around the neighborhood. We strategically ended up at the corner pizza restaurant and no one was able to finish their slice since we had been munching along the way. (So much for candy safety!)

We have one family rule when it comes to trick or treating. All Snickers and banana Laffy Taffy belong to Mommy. One of my boys’ friends joined us for trick or treating and, before we left the house, without prompting, they informed her that she forfeits all rights to Snickers and Laffy Taffy. I was so proud! Until…we got to a house and Son #2 yells from the top of the stairs, “Hey Mommy, good news, I got TWO Snickers for you!” On the outside, I wished I had a mask; on the inside, I was doing a Snoopy dance.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Last week, Husband and I celebrated our 20th anniversary! WOW!

While we were in Wisconsin for the boys’ Fall Break, the two of us were able to get away for a romantic evening at a totally amazing spa. Our suite was bigger than our first condo, the food was decadent and we enjoyed several luxurious spa services.

Surprisingly, this internationally rated spa is located in the Wisconsin Dells…home of huge, plastic animals, Ho-Chunk casino, the Tommy Bartlett water-ski show, and the Ducks. Since my boys consider the Dells to be synonymous with water parks, they were convinced that Mommy and Daddy were spending their romantic evening swimming without them. I finally gave up trying to convince Son #2 otherwise. I fear that I have ruined it for his wife someday…his expectations of a romantic weekend may be really messed up. “If a water park was good enough for my mom and dad…”

The good news is that Husband did come through with an awesome gift. So, even if they end up at a water park, my boys will know they better show up with the jewels!

Season 4 Episode 92

In this episode, Cliff has the opportunity to mess up another home repair project. Once the tiles start falling and the pipes start leaking, he admits defeat and agrees to hiring college friends of Sondra.

We just completed renovating our basement. We knew upfront that it was bigger than the both of us and we hired a contractor to help us. We limited ourselves to moving everything out to the garage. I insisted that it would only take a week, but Husband reminded me of an important rule of home repair…”Manana does not mean tomorrow, it just means not today.” Three weeks later, we are done! Now, we have to move everything back inside…maybe manana.

Season 4 Episode 89

In this episode, Rudy hides a note from her teacher. She is not sure of its contents, but she does not believe that the teacher likes her and assumes she is in trouble.

My boys are so different! Son #1 brought home one “Stop and Think” note from his teacher in 1st grade and that was all it took. We talked about it, I signed it and he has been on the (relative) straight and narrow ever since. He is now in the 6th grade and got his first late homework slip last week…OH NO! He has set up a system so as avoid this in the future. (That’s my boy!)

Son #2 is another story! At least once a week, he will announce in the car…”I got a “Stop and Think” note today.” More often than not, he will follow up with delight…“AND the teacher forgot to send it home!” Does he really think that the teacher and I don’t talk?? Rudy may have been able to hide a note from her parents, but in the age of cell phones, email and text messaging, there are no secrets between teacher and parent. Drew is stunned when I cut off his tv/video game privileges and say…”We have to talk.” I love Mommy magic!

Boys are like Rhubarb

Since finishing "The Cosby Show" series, we have sampled several other tv series. We tried a disc of “Mork & Mindy”, but it had too many innuendos. It is not fun for anyone if the kids keep asking…"What did he say?” “What does that mean?” “Why is that funny?” We also tried a few discs of “The Beverly Hillbillies.” The boys thought it was funny, but did not really connect with it. I am not sure if was an unfamiliarity with mountain folk or the concept of a banker’s family living in a mansion. We may try it again someday.

For the time being, we are alternating between “F-Troop”, “McHale’s Navy,” “Partridge Family,” and “Petticoat Junction.” What a mixture… an Army fort on the Western frontier, a Navy base in the South Pacific, a groovy family garage band, and a charming widow with three hot daughters.

In a recent episode of “Petticoat Junction,” Kate Bradley explained to her daughters that boys were like rhubarb…strange at first, then it grows on you, and then it is still strange. My boys asked what girls were like. We concluded that girls were like grapes…

• they travel in bunches
• some are visibly rotten, but most you cannot tell whether they are sweet or sour until you bite into them
• they are smooth and soft to the touch
• I am sure that there is something that could be said about being wine-y…
  

So many things to learn from watching tv!

Character Flaw #68 – Obsessions

I have random obsessions. They make no sense and they flare up from time to time. Right now, I am obsessed with purging our home of excess possessions. I am going through closets and drawers and getting rid of everything that is too small, too raggedy or too much. I will need to stop soon or the boys will not enough clothes for the winter or we will not have enough spoons for breakfast. My other obsession is air purifiers. I have had a chronic cough since August 24th and I am fed up! I am convinced that there is something lurking in my home and, unless I do something quickly, I will become an episode of “House.” I went to Target today and bought two extra-large air purifiers…this is in addition to the two we already own. Keep your fingers crossed! Now, the good news is that one obsession I will never have is cooking. Which makes the following so puzzling…

When Son #2 started school, he formed a “cool club” with the boys in his class. Every year, they have included all of the boys in the class, no girls. I have been honored to be the only girl in the club. Go Mommy! The other day, he told me that he asked Ellie to be in the club. (This is big news because he has held a grudge against her every since she tried to kiss him on the first day of school last year.) He said that she was going to be the assistant cook. Guess who is the chief cook? ME! Go figure. So much for women’s lib.

Season 4 Episode 80

In this episode, Theo gets in trouble…he lies about going to the library while grounded and goes to Coney Island. His friend, driving with a learner’s permit, gets caught speeding and tries to outrun the police. They both end up in jail. While discussing Theo’s punishment, Cliff and Claire get into a big argument. The episode ends with them making up.

Kids often don’t realize that their actions have consequences beyond themselves. This episode was a great example of how kids’ behavior can affect the entire family. When a child makes a bad choice, they must be held responsible for the consequences…but there are often consequences for the parents as well. Often times, the parents’ relationship suffers when they disagree about how to handle the situation…is one parent more lenient? Is one parent more strict? It is unrealistic to think that parents will always agree in such matters, however, it is important that they ultimately present a united front. No one said it would be easy…

Watching My Back

Sometimes I think that Son #2 is a 30 year old con man in a 7 year old body. He is so bright and so quick…he keeps me on my toes. Sometimes I have to laugh…sometimes I have to watch my back. Case in point…

• The other night, he pulled a tooth out while he was lying in bed (just to be clear...it was pretty loose when he went to bed). He set it on his dresser for the tooth fairy. The next morning, he said to me – as sweet as sugar pie – “Mommy, when I got up, I checked and tooth fairy had not come yet. Can you go up and check again?” The “take your wallet with you” and “you owe a late fee” went unsaid.
• We visited the boys’ grandma the other day at a cat show. She offered each boy a $10 line of credit at one of the vendor booths to purchase toys for our cats. Son #2 immediately asked, “If I only spend $8, can I keep the change?” When that did not work, he spent all $10 and even tried to renegotiate some prices so that he could maximize his purchases. Never give up, never.
• Today, Husband went to a White Sox playoff game. He bought each boy a Championship t-shirt and a cap for himself. Son #2 was delighted with his new t-shirt and “borrowed” Daddy’s cap. While he was watching tv, he was observed resizing the hat so it was just the right size. Now he has gone to bed and the cap is nowhere to be found…I suspect it is in his room.

I guess I could look at this as the glass is half full – he is highly intelligent with leadership skills – or half empty – he is destined for a life of crime and I better start saving for his legal expenses now. I better stick with half full and try to stay one step ahead…or at least enjoy the ride!

The Mystery Brother?

Yesterday, Son #2 had a very serious question to ask me…“Did I ever have a third son? Did he have another brother?” I was quite surprised by this question. Where did he think I was keeping this secret brother? In a closet?

I assured him that I only had two boys and we only had room in our house for two boys. He seemed satisfied with my response, but it made we wonder why he was asking. Did he want another brother?...someone to share the joy, the love and the blame. Or did he want to trade his older brother in for a newer model?...perhaps a sportier model or a one with a car. Or did he want to be traded himself?...perhaps he considered the grass to be greener somewhere else.

I may never know why he asked that question. Probably just as well…I might get lost if I try and dig too deep into his young mind. In the interim, I trust that he knows that he is my favorite seven-year-old son and there is nothing he could do to make me stop loving him!

Season 4 Episode 78

In this episode, Cliff cannot find a power drill that he borrowed from his neighbor, Jeffrey. Cliff searches the house three times and cannot find it anywhere. He finally remembers putting it away with the Christmas decorations for safekeeping.

The big joke around our house is that Daddy cannot find anything! If you need to find something, you better ask Mommy. Husband is convinced that I hide things on purpose just to keep him on his toes. The other day, Husband and the two boys were looking in the hall closet for something…they searched each shelf with a flashlight. After they admitted defeat, I walked to the closet, reached in and pulled out the item. It’s magic! I like to consider it job security.

Season 4 Episode 77

In this episode, Rudy is tired of being the youngest. She is frustrated that she can’t pick out her own clothes like everyone else and she can’t go out with her friends like everyone else. She feels it is unfair, but Theo assures her that one day she will be able to do all these things.

My boys are four years apart in age. In most situations, Son #2 understands his place… he has an earlier bedtime, he can’t sit in the front seat of the van and no sleepovers until he is at least ten. There is one thing that he finds so unfair…he really wants a cell phone. I am not sure who he wants to call, but he really wants a phone. From time to time, he will try and negotiate…”maybe when I am eight, can I get a phone?” I tell him when he stops asking, I will consider it. Since I know that he will be unable to stop himself, I am safe.

I’ve Been Fired!

A couple of years ago, I knew that Husband and Son #1 were having a talk about Santa Claus. Afterwards, I inquired about the conversation…Son #1 told me, “Daddy said, Santa is dead.” Are you kidding me?!? Instead of talking about the jolly old man in the red suit, Husband had shared the history of St. Nicholas and Son #1 had boiled it down to…Santa is dead. I promptly fired Husband from all important life talks, including the Easter Bunny and the birds & the bees.

Last night, Son #1 and I were having a talk about the way his body will be changing over the next few years. Things were generally going well until I crossed a line. After he recovered from the shock, he informed me that he would prefer to talk to Daddy. Essentially, I was fired. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed…and I think he could tell. He put his arm around me and said, “It’s ok, Mommy, we are all growing up.” When Husband got home, I told him its his turn at bat again….hopefully, he learned from the Santa Claus incident!

Mommy Radar

I am so relieved! While I still have not perfected my “Mommy Look” (8/26/08), I realized last night that I have a pretty effective “Mommy Radar.” That has to count for something.

I should explain that I developed an ear infection several weeks ago. Since then, I have been struggling to recover from the irritating sinus drainage and hearing loss. (As an aside, I want to say that, when my hearing fully returns, Husband will be the absolute last to know! Our marriage has really benefitted from my reduced hearing. Between the 50% I can’t hear him say and the 50% I choose to ignore, we are doing great.) Anyway, I have been taking Nyquil every night to help me sleep. Two pills just before I sit down to watch tv and, by the 2nd commercial break, I am sound asleep. I can sleep through storms, sirens, and snoring. But last night, around 4 AM, I woke from a dead sleep when I heard the door open to one of the boys’ rooms. Not only did I hear the door, but I knew immediately which door it was from the unique creak…my radar was in full force. After checking on Son #2, I returned to bed…the guilty cat was sent downstairs. Guess who was still asleep?

Season 4 Episode 76

This episode is titled “Theogate”…Theo returns home late from a cross-country meet and Clair is confused by the inconsistencies in his explanation. She is further suspicious when the school principal calls the next day. She interrogates Theo and tells him that she expects her children to be honest. The family holds a mock trial to get the bottom of the situation. In the mock trial, Theo confesses that he lied about why he was late, about what happened after the meet, and the fact that he had been kicked off the team.

This was one of those episodes that was filled with learning moments. Knowing that Theo was lying and watching him dig himself deeper in trouble was so interesting. It was great to point out opportunities where Theo could have made better choices with more positive consequences. In the end, we were able to discuss the value that our family places on honesty and trust.

Character Flaw #42 – Parenting Falsehoods

Do you ever lie to your kids? I do…sometimes little white lies, sometimes big whoppers. I like to keep them guessing. Some they might believe, some they don’t even bite at. Some are self-serving. For example, I think Son #2 might actually believe that I am only 29 years old…bless his heart! Some are purely for my entertainment. I tried to convince Son #2 that he was adopted, but he just shook his head and said, “That’s just sad.” (His response amused me greatly!) The other day, I suggested that Daddy might have another family that he visited when he went on business trips. I think they might have actually considered it, but I pushed it a bit too far when I said he also had a second job as a circus clown.

The positive side of this character flaw of mine is that we laugh a lot and they provide fodder for stories that we create. The down side is that, much like the boy who cried wolf, the boys don’t always know when to believe me. This proved to be true when I was discussing puberty with Son #2 the other day. “You mean I am going to get hair, where??” Our discussion of pimples and acne did not go so well either. I am not sure what he thought I was describing, but, despite my best efforts, I think he was left with the impression that he could possibly spend his teenage years with a face covered in boils and hairy warts. I attempted to discuss the birds and the bees and mentioned that girls could get pregnant as soon as they started their periods. He asked when young girls start their periods…when I said eleven or twelve, I thought he was going to throw up. We had not even gotten to the good stuff. He begged me to stop and said he would let me know if he had any more questions. So far I have not heard from him…

Kleenex Mom

I remember this summer when I would sit and wax eloquently on my PC…every night, I would post a new entry to my blog. Then, I got home and school started…back to real life. By the time homework is finished, the dishes are done, lunches are made, and the angels are in bed, I just want to curl up on the couch…sans PC. Perhaps I need to try writing during the day…

On an unrelated note, I did hear something interesting today. The boys and I were listening to a story in the car in which two kids were describing their parents. The girl said that, when she sneezed, her dad told her to be quiet. The boy said that, when he sneezed, his dad handed him a Kleenex. Wow! I wanted to ask the boys what kind of parent I was, but I was afraid to ask. I hope that I am a “Kleenex Mom,” but I know that I have my weak moments…particularly when I am tired. It really challenged me.

Mysteries of a Tween

The other night, Son #2 was struggling to practice his guitar. He seemed a bit anxious and out of sorts. We tried to talk to him and encouraged him to relax. We were concerned that perhaps something had happened at school that day. He responded, “Mommy, sometimes there are mysteries about me that even I don’t understand.” Enough said!

Season 4 Episode 75

Clair: But you've always wanted to be a lawyer, you've talked about nothing else!
Sondra: I've changed my mind.
Clair: CHANGE IT BACK! After all that money we spent sending you to Princeton? Sondra, you owe us 79,648 dollars and 22 cents, and I want my money NOW!

In this episode, Sondra and Elvin have just returned from their honeymoon. Since they have also recently graduated from Princeton, Cliff and Claire are anxious to discuss their future plans…they expect Elvin to attend medical school and Sondra to attend law school. They are disappointed to learn that Elvin has decided not to go to medical school, but rather to work in a wilderness store. In addition, Sondra announces that she is not going to medical school…she is going to help Elvin in the store.

We have such dreams for our children. Sometimes they even buy into the dreams…and then they change their minds. This episode made me laugh because it made a point with such extremes. Elvin and Sondra went to an Ivy League school (big bucks, big prestige) and planned on pursuing elite post-graduate degrees…and then they changed their minds and decide to work in a wilderness store in Brooklyn! Is there a big market for kayaks and 3-man tents in Brooklyn? They also end up in an apartment that looks one step from being condemned. Despite their initial disappointment, Cliff and Claire pledge to support Sondra and Elvin. They may not understand their decision or even approve of their decision, but their love is unconditional. That is all we can do.

Season 3 Episode 73

Cliff: These hamburgers are too big for the kids, so if you could take them back...
Waiter: And you want me to cover them in ketchup, mustard and pickles and squeeze them into regular hamburger buns.
Cliff: Yes!
Waiter: Say no more, I have three kids myself, they don't like to eat here either.

In this episode, Cliff takes Rudy and her friends to a fancy restaurant where they order hamburgers. They are disappointed when the extra large gourmet burgers arrive on toast rather than buns. The waiter saves the day when he goes across the street and gets hamburgers from Circus Burger.

This story line really hit close to home! To say that Son #2 is a picky eater is an understatement. He will eat macaroni and cheese, but only if the noodles are straight and the cheese is an artificial orange color. He will eat chicken nuggets, but only from McDonalds. He is pretty flexible with hot dogs, but somewhat particular about the bun. He will eat cheese and sausage pizza from only from one restaurant in Chicago and one in Wisconsin. It drives me nuts sometimes! The good news is that he is healthy and is in no danger of starving…we manage to work within the parameters to squeeze in a healthy diet. The bad news is that it is not easy to go out eat and it is a challenge to eat at other homes. I suspect that he will outgrow this…his big brother’s food choices have expanded over time. I refuse to fight over food so I am willing to wait.

Season 3 Episode 71

Clair: Let's call Theo.
Cliff: Okay, on the count of three: one, two, three!
Cliff and Clair: (Very weakly) Theo...Theo.
Cliff: I'm all yelled out.
Clair: Cliff, do you think any of them will ever come up and check on us?
Cliff: I don't think so, dear. I think they've got us right where they want us.
Clair: How are we going to get the water?
Cliff: I'll get it. Gimme some help.
(Clair gives him a nudge out of bed and he immediately falls on his face.)
Clair: Cliff?
Cliff: Hm?
Clair: Are you okay?
Cliff: Yes, dear. I'm just gonna take a little nap.

In this episode, Cliff and Claire both get the flu and Theo is left in charge of the household.

This past Spring, Husband and I were both sick…fortunately, not at the same time. We were miserable! It has been years since I was that sick…I could not get out of bed for three days. I had to rely on someone to take the boys to and from school.. When they got home, they were on their own for homework etc. I suspect there were a lot of Oreos eaten during those three days! I know that they tried their best, but when I emerged from my sick bed, the house was a wreck! It took me a couple of days to finally get things back in order. I guess there are certain things that only a Mommy can do…

Season 3 Episode 70

In this episode, the Huxtables play several practical jokes on each other. Practical jokes occur frequently during the eight seasons. I love the playfulness that this shows among the family members. The jokes are never malicious and are very creative. They illustrate the depth of the relationships and the fun that a family can have together.

I love having fun with my family! We are not big practical jokers…maybe we are just not creative enough. However, we do laugh a lot and enjoy doing things together. Whether it is kayaking or fishing or watching a movie together, we enjoy spending time together. I hope that one day, when my boys are grown, they will remember the times that we spent together and know that we always made spending time with them a priority.

Season 3 Episode 69

Sondra: Turning fifty is a monumental occasion in a man's life.
Cliff: Oh, Lord, who let this child in the house?

I just have to say that, when I was watching The Cosby Show when it was first televised in the mid-80s, I did not think that Cliff Huxtable was old…but I did consider him to be older. He was a doctor, he owned a home, he had children in college and high school, etc. Now, I find out twenty years later that, in the third season, he is only turning fifty! Husband is almost fifty, for goodness sake, and our kids are nowhere near college age! In the show, they make Cliff and Claire seem so mature…I don’t feel that mature at all. Some days, I still feel like I am waiting to grow up.

Welcome to my World!

My two boys have ADHD. I don’t think I have mentioned this before on my blog. It is not a secret…there are a lot of things I have not mentioned yet. For example, I also have two black cats, I don’t really like to cook, Husband likes to race sailboats, and I watch the Guiding Light. I figured I would write about this now, because I thought it would help you better understand my perspective on life and also give you additional insight into our family.

Son #1 was diagnosed when he was 4 ½ years old…there was little doubt. He struggled with impulsivity and was just uncomfortable in his own skin. Since then, he has been on medication 24/7 and we have made many behavioral changes in our home. To give you an idea of how important his medication is to him, after taking his very first pill, he turned to me and said…”Mommy, I love my new quiet body.”

Son #2 (age 7) was only recently diagnosed. His symptoms are less severe and he really only needs medication to help him get through structured situations that require him to interact socially with others…school, day camp, Sunday School, and so on. In other situations, his symptoms can usually be managed through behavior modification strategies. A good explanation of the difference between the two boys…Son #1 cannot get through his morning routine without his medication. I give him his dosage 15 minutes before he actually gets up in the morning. Son #2 can get through breakfast and to school, but, if I forget to give him his medication, you can bet I will get a call from his teacher by 9 AM!

I love my boys! ADHD rocks our world! This may sound counterintuitive but Son #1 has the kindest spirit and he is so kind to others…especially other children who have special needs. He knows what it is like to be “different” and he reaches out to others. I have been moved to tears by his tenderheart. Son #2 loves life and he is a “party ready to happen.” He brings joy to everyone around him. I really think that having boys with ADHD has helped me be a better and more patient parent…I have had to do a lot of reading, actively develop behavior modification strategies and stay on my toes. It has also helped me develop a compassion for other parents that I would not have come by on my own.

Season 3 Episode 66

Rudy: Smoking's not good for you. It makes your breath stink, it gets your lungs dirty, and then you die. Smoking also causes forest fires, which is why you never see animals smoke.
Vanessa: I think she gets the point, Rudy.
Rudy: None of MY friends smoke!

In this episode, Vanessa has a friend who insists on smoking in Vanessa's bedroom. Vanessa is shocked when Cliff is understanding when she has to explain it to him.

There were two things that were interesting to me…

• Vanessa’s friend was really dishonoring in her choice to smoke in Vanessa’s room. She knew that Vanessa could really get in trouble with her parents and did not seem to care.
• Since this episode first aired in 1987, attitudes have really changed about smoking. Vanessa’s friend wanted to smoke because it was “cool”…my kids don’t see smoking as cool. (Thank goodness!) Their attitude is more consistent with Rudy.

The other AM, Husband and the boys went out to breakfast at a small family restaurant in rural Wisconsin. The non-smoking section of the restaurant was in name only. Since there is no smoking allowed in any restaurants in Chicago, the boys are not used to inhaling second-hand smoke as they eat their pancakes. Son #2 came home and said, “Now, I know what it is like to smoke…Yuck!”

Parenting vs. Babysitting

At a school event this week, one mom said that her husband was home “babysitting.” Another mom was quick to correct her…”You mean parenting?” I thought about that on the way home. You would never say that a mom is babysitting her kids. Why is it considered babysitting when a dad stays home alone with the kids? Is it just a matter of semantics or is there a real difference?

In my opinion, both babysitters and parents have a RESPONSIBILITY for the child’s welfare. While the child is in their care - regardless of the length of time, they are responsible for keeping him safe and warm, etc. In addition, both babysitters and parents are INVOLVED and (theoretically) ENGAGED with the child. Some do this better than others and the level of involvement is often dependent on the quality of the relationship. The biggest difference in my mind is that parents have a vested OWNERSHIP in the child and a babysitter does not. While a babysitter may love the child, a parent is invested in the child’s future and has made (and will continue to make) sacrifices for that child. This sets a parent apart from a babysitter.

What do you think? Is it a matter of semantics or is there a real difference?

Season 3 Episode 64

In this episode, Rudy is working on another school project and reluctantly accepts Vanessa’s help. Vanessa criticizes her drawings and suggests that she cut out some pictures. Not specifying where she should find those pictures, Rudy decides to cut the pictures out of Cliff’s encyclopedias and prized bird books.

Cliff: (to Rudy) Is this dinner any good?
Rudy: (long-faced) Yes.
Cliff: What are we having?
Rudy: Chicken.
Cliff: Is it the same chicken that was in this book?

Teaching kids good judgment is a challenge and they can take things so literally. When I asked Son #1 to “take out the garbage,” he took the garbage bag out of the house and set it by the garage. He took the garbage out, but he did not put the garbage in the garbage can. When I asked Son #2 to pick up the clothes in his room, he left his socks and pjs on the floor…apparently, they are not considered “clothes” in his mind. He also threw all of the clothes – clean and dirty – in the laundry basket.

I am trying to figure out the puzzle which is the mind of a young boy and figure out how to best communicate with them. I suspect that, if I am successful, I will have discovered one of the holy grails of parenting.

Heeere Fishy, Fishy, Fishy!

This summer, we decided to have a fishing competition in our family. I thought it would be a fun tradition to start. If all went well, I thought we could hang a plaque in the cottage memorializing the first fish of the season, the biggest fish, and most fish caught over the summer. I even made a chart so that everyone could keep track of their progress.

Everyone seemed to be excited until we noticed that Son #2 was running away with the lead. The fact that he got the first fish was undisputed…we were all there and celebrated with him. However, his count is up to 42 fish! Daddy has about 12 and Son #1 has about 8; I have only 3 “pity fish”…I have not caught any this year. I think that there is some shady accounting going on.

When pressed for details, he informed us that…”Two nibbles equal one fish.” Hmmm… Since I can easily confuse a seaweed snag with a nibble, I am not so sure about this. He also said that any fish caught with a net equals two fish. He spent hours one day lying on the pier catching blue gills with a net. I have to admit it took a lot of patience and hand-eye coordination, but still…

I think Son #2 is going to be the first official winner of our family fishing competition in all three categories. I also think we may have to revisit the rules next year…maybe we will require photographic proof. At least we had fun!

This is one of our favorite fishing videos…ENJOY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFTjeaDlxDI

Season 3 Episode 63

Maxine: Theo, why do you think we came over here?
Theo: To get help with your math.
Maxine: Why would we do that when we get higher grades in math than you do?

In this episode, Theo is anxiously awaiting a phone from two girls who may come over for help with their math homework. When they finally show up, Maxine confesses that they don’t really need help with their math, but Lana really likes Theo…much to Theo’s delight.

My boys found this episode most amusing. They had lots of questions about the games girls and boys play when they like each other. They could not understand why Theo and girls were not just honest with each other. I assured them that, with time, they too would understand. I am afraid that day will come all too soon…

Breakfast with Pink Floyd

I woke up the other AM to find Husband and the boys having breakfast while listening to Pink Floyd. Not my choice in morning music, but apparently it opened all kinds of doors for conversation with the boys. As we he have learned with tv shows, you never know when or where opportunities will come up…and you got to grab ‘em and when you get ‘em!

“Wish You Were Here” led to a discussion on the negative impact of drugs, how one’s poor choices can affect others, how “everything in moderation” applies to more than just drugs…PHEW! Since the boys take medication every day, they also talked about taking drugs that benefit the body – in its intended dosage for its intended purpose – as opposed to taking drugs for pleasure or in excess. It was quite a morning and, as Son #2 says, “Daddy rocks!”

Not just Mommy and Daddy

It wasn’t until I started watching The Cosby Show with my kids that I realized how much time Cliff and Claire Huxtable spend in bed. Most of the early episodes end with the two reflecting on the day and cuddling under the sheets. At first, I was a bit uncomfortable watching it with the boys…it was a glimpse into the secret life of mommies and daddies. Until, I realized...that’s the point! We are more than just mommies and daddies…we are also husbands and wives and our kids need to respect and appreciate that relationship as well.

Growing up, I always knew that my parents loved me and I also knew that they loved each other. They were not married long before they had children, but I knew that their relationship as husband and wife was separate and distinct from their role of mommy and daddy. They had some ups and downs, but they worked hard to work through things and today they celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary. I am grateful for the role models they have been for me! Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

Season 3 Episode 62

In this episode, Claire is away at Hillman College and Rudy decides to send her a letter. She is frustrated when Vanessa continually criticizes her writing style and insists upon teaching her the “proper” way to write a letter.

Like Vanessa, it is sometimes difficult for me to work with my kids and let them learn how to do things their own way. I am so often tempted to teach them how to do it the “proper” way. In their school, they have to do periodic home projects that require research and visuals and SOME family involvement. It is often difficult for me to step back and let them take charge. I have been known to run off to the craft store while they are in school and bring home materials for my great idea. I have to be careful to hide my disappointment when it does not match their plan. So far, they have always completed their projects on time and received positive feedback. It may not be according to my plan, but then again I guess I am not the student.

Fact or Fiction?

Have you seen the email that is circulating? It claims that you can cook an egg (or popcorn) just by placing it between two activated cell phones. All you need are one egg, two cell phones, and 65 minutes to call from one phone to the other. Fact or fiction?

Are you kidding me? I don’t want to sound snippy…consider this a public service announcement…but I receive all kinds of goofy emails like this each week. Most of them are easily identified and proven false using http://www.snopes.com/. According to snopes.com, the egg/cell phone email is based on a spoof article that was published in 2000. Unfortunately, people have missed the spoof part and latched onto it as truth.

I recently received a tug-at-your-heartstrings email that I checked on snopes.com. The email originally started circulating in 2003 and contains a picture that was taken in 1999. According to the website, the picture is legitimate, but very little of the information in the email is true. Now, I love a good story, but not when it is presented as truth yet contains blatant lies. I also don’t like it when it pushes a political agenda – even if I agree with it – and it is deceptive.

Next time, you are tempted to forward an email, check it against http://www.snopes.com/ first. Your recipients will appreciate it!

Now that I got that off my chest, I feel better. Maybe I will address “chain emails” another time…

Season 3 Episode 57

In this episode, Vanessa is accused of being a “stuck-up rich girl” after two girls from the pep squad visit her home. She believes that she would be better off socially if her family were poor.

Cliff: (to Vanessa): Your mother and I are rich. YOU have nothing!

In terms of possessions, Cliff is correct…Vanessa is not rich. She has not earned anything and everything she has has been given to her by her parents.

Clair: Vanessa, you are rich, because you have got a family that loves you!

In terms of quality of life, Claire is correct…Vanessa is rich. She has two parents, siblings, and grandparents who love her very much.

We try to teach our boys that wealth cannot be measured solely in terms of things. You can have lots of nice things and go to lots of nice places, but if you are not surrounded by love and if you do not share with others, your life is not rich.

Loser Mom of the Year

While searching a parenting magazine for good examples of "Mommy looks," I read an article that made me realize that, with or without a Mommy look, I am destined to be a loser parent. It listed all of the things parents could do to prepare their students for the new school year. Our school started TODAY and I had not done any of them!

• Get all of the neighborhood children together for a week full of fun activities…We live in downtown Chicago and we don’t even know most of our neighbors!
• Collect pictures of your summer fun…I still have not organized the pictures from our Disney vacation last Spring!
• Start putting the kids to bed earlier each night…Two nights before school started, my boys stayed up until 10:30 PM to watch a re-broadcast of Oprah featuring David Cassidy (aka Keith Partridge) and the kids from The Cosby Show. (There are SO many things wrong with that scenario.)

Just as I was putting away my magazine, I saw a small article that made me feel much better. Doctors are finding that children are suffering from a Vitamin D deficiency all because of their conscientious parents. I was relieved to find that MY children will not be suffering from any such problem…they were not slathered with sunscreen all summer (thus receiving the benefits of direct sunlight) and they were not breastfed exclusively (thus receiving the benefits of Vitamin D in formula). PHEW! Dodged a bullet on that one! Almost thought I was going to have to start cooking more fruits and vegetables. :)

The Mommy Look

One thing I have always envied is the way Claire Huxtable could stop a train with her “look.” Her kids knew when they were in trouble when they saw “the look.” I have no such look…I asked my kids. They said they can tell in my “tone.” I don’t know if that is my shrill tone – when I am losing my patience – or my maniacal tone – when I am losing my mind…either way, I would prefer a look.

I asked the boys to help me develop a look. I tried different ways…none resulted in the desired effect. They just laughed harder. (It’s a tough crowd.) They tried a couple on for size, but they only looked scared, confused or constipated. I am not going to give up…I think that this is a skill that I should master and I will be a better parent as a result.

Season 3 Episode 56

In this episode, Theo and his friend, Cockroach, decide that they want to learn how to fly. Even though she is not fond of the idea, Claire gives him permission to take flying lessons…she wants to encourage him in his dreams. Ultimately, Theo and Cockroach decide that becoming pilots is impractical since they will not have any free time as they will be working so much to pay for their lessons.

All kids have dreams and we need to be prepared to encourage them. I appreciate four things that Cliff and Claire did when Theo wanted to take flying lessons…

1. They did not immediately say no…they discussed his interest and agreed to consider it. How often do we have a knee-jerk reaction and say no when our children ask to try something new? Especially if it is inconvenient or expensive…or if it is the third request in three days. Like Claire, we should commit to encourage their dreams.
2. Once they learned more about it, they discussed the challenges…costs, time commitment, safety concerns, and so. Including our kids in this discussion can be a great learning opportunity…it gives them a chance to weigh the pros and cons. Counting the cost is a life skill that will serve them well as they grow.
3. After they agreed to allow Theo to move forward, they held him responsible for his pursuit. For example, he had to get a job to pay for the lessons. They were careful that Theo’s dream did not become their dream. How often do we step in, take over and facilitate or manipulate the dream? When pursuing a dream, a child needs to be held responsible and invest in the dream.
4. In the end, when Theo reconsidered his dream, Cliff and Claire did not say “I told you so.” Because of the decision-making process they had gone through, they respected his decision and moved on.

At the Ballpark

Does it get much better than this?

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

On Friday PM, we went to a Pirates/Brewers game in Milwaukee to celebrate a big accomplishment of Son #1. We had an awesome time! We had great seats…just two rows off the field along the 1st baseline. We were right by the ball girl and she gave my boys each a baseball to take home. After the 7th inning, we were able to move into the front row…it was great! The Pirates lost – which disappointed Son #1 – but there were a lot of fireworks so everyone was happy.

Son #2 and I stood in line to get an autograph from Seth McClung. He was a little surprised to see a boy with a White Sox jersey and a Brewer hat…Son #2 has split loyalties. The ball girl also asked Prince Fielder to come over and sign autographs by our seats…he signed the inside of Son #2’s Brewer hat. Son #1 had to sneak in and lay low with his Pirate jersey…apparently, Prince does not like to sign for the opposing team’s fans.

It was a big memory night!

Season 3 Episode 54

In this episode, Vanessa breaks a family rule…no makeup before the age of fifteen. Once Claire gets over her initial anger, she explains the importance of family rules.

In Matthew 22, Jesus is talking to a crowd and a Pharisee asks him, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment (or rule) in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36-40

This is the foundation for our family rules…especially if you consider that the definition of “neighbor” includes family members. Beyond this, there are rules that we have to help the kids get through each day…

• There are rules that provide BALANCE – You can’t play video games all day…there are limits. – and rules that are for their HEALTH – You need to eat more fruits and vegetables than Oreos.
• There are rules for SAFETY – Look both ways when crossing the street before you reach the middle of the street. – and rules that teach RESPONSIBILITY – You have to do your chores before you can have access to any electronics.
• There are rules that teach LIFE SKILLS – Homework must be completed – neatly and accurately - before playing with friends. - and rules that teach MANNERS – You should always say “please” and “thank-you”…even to family members.
• Finally, there are rules that teach kids to follow the LAW – You cannot take anything without paying for it and it is still wrong even if you don’t get caught!

We need to set the foundation with our children as Jesus taught the crowd…we need to first teach our children to love the Lord and then their “neighbors.” Once the foundation is established, our children will more open and able to comply with the other rules.

My Head Hurts!

I get migraines. For the past 15 years, at least twice a month, I will get a migraine. I take a daily medication to try and limit my migraines and I have a medication that I can take if a headache should break through. If all else fails, I have pain killers to help me deal with the pain. It is the pits! I can only hope that menopause comes quickly and brings some relief.

I worry sometimes about the impact that my headaches have on my boys. Do they ever feel angry or bitter? I try my best to keep things as normal as possible, but there are times when I just have to lie down or plans have to be cancelled/postponed. I worry that perhaps they are left with the impression that women are weak…in a house with three boys and a girl, it is pretty obvious that only Mommy gets headaches. We have tried to explain that this is a challenge that Mommy faces and we all need to cooperate…for the most part, they are empathetic and rise to the occasion.

Migraines stink! But I know it could be so much worse. I am grateful that my headaches are only temporary and, most times, only affect me 4 days a month. I hope that my boys are learning patience from this experience and how to be caregivers in their own ways.

Sometimes I can get discouraged when I get a migraine. It really messes up my plans! My grandma had a friend who wrote poetry. There was one poem that seems to apply to these days…if only I could remember.

I needed the quiet, so He took me aside,
Into the shadows where we could confide;
Away from the bustle, where all the day long
I hurried and worried, when active and strong.
I needed the quiet, though at first I rebelled,
But gently, so gently, my cross He upheld,
And whispered so sweetly of spiritual things,
Though weakened in body, my spirit took wings.

To heights never dreamed of when active and gay,
He loved me so greatly, He drew me away.
I needed the quiet, no prison my bed
But a beautiful valley of blessing instead,
A place to grow richer, in Jesus to hide,
I needed the quiet, so He drew me aside.

--Alice Hansche Mortenson

Season 3 Episode 51

In “Food for Thought,” the central theme is healthy eating. A friend of Cliff and Claire recently had a heart attack and Claire is concerned about Cliff’s eating habits.

The other morning, the boys got up before us and watched tv. Son #2 got hungry and helped himself to a bag of mini Oreos. I asked him to consider three other – more healthy - choices that he could have made. He came up with applesauce, mandarin oranges and cereal. Good job! “And I guess I shouldn’t have had the Chip Ahoy cookies either.” What a stinker!

Star Wars Returns

It has started again! Star Wars fever has invaded our home! With the opening of the new animated Star Wars movie, my boys have gone Star Wars crazy all over again. Today, I had five young Jedis with their light sabres in my front yard batting to save the universe.

On Sunday PM, after receiving their allowances, the boys wanted to go to Target (where else?) to check out all of the new Star Wars action figures. A very nice looking young man came into the section. He appeared to be in his mid-20’s and well dressed…outwardly, he looked like a grad student or a stockbroker. He did not look strange in any way…he did not breathe heavily like Darth Vader nor wear a long brown robe like a Jedi knight. I figured he was there to purchase a gift for a nephew or something. He said to the boys…”I hope that Stars Wars does not take over your life like it has mine.” This should have been my first warning that perhaps something was amiss and the boys had that “stranger danger” look on their face. He proceeded to roll up his sleeve and show us a tattoo…apparently, it was some Star Wars symbol. The boys were now looking at him like he was a freak and I was speechless. He proceeded to pull up his shirt and show us a tattoo on his upper back. Son #1 ran to the end of the aisle and Son #2 told him that the symbol was not from Star Wars...I think the words “you big freaky man” were implied in his statement. I just wanted him to go away before he decided to show us any other body art he may have on other parts of his body. The only thing I could come up with is…”I guess I should be glad that my boys are only interested in action figures.” At that point, I would have promised to buy my boys any action figures they wanted just to get out of the store!

When we got to the car, I thought it was a good idea to debrief the situation with the boys…

• Regarding the whole concept of stranger danger…even though we were in Target (the happiest place on earth), it is still not a good idea to talk to strangers. Mommy was being polite, but the boys did a good job of staying away from the stranger.
• Never, under any circumstances are the boys to get Star Wars body art. Perhaps, when they are 18 they can think about it, but they will have to weigh it against the wrath of their father and any impact it may have on future inheritances.
• Most importantly, in my mind, it is never appropriate to lift your shirt in public…it just is not polite.

May the force be with you!

The Countdown

We have officially turned the corner…we are getting ready for school to begin. The boys are starting to get tired of me and each other and I am definitely getting ready for them to be gone for awhile. It kind of creeped up on us…we were all getting along fine and then BANG! Nothing seemed to go right…their messes seemed a bit messier and irritations seemed more irritating. My well of patience has run dry. Only 8 days! We will go visit their classrooms one day and then their classes begin the next. After I drop them off, I am going to celebrate with a cup of Starbucks coffee and a leisurely trip to Target. Yippee!

Mamma Mia!

I went to see the movie, “Mamma Mia!,” last week with my mom. Overall, it was a fun movie and I had two observations…

• Meryl Streep is amazing. I can only hope to look that good in spandex when I am her age…I wish I could look that good in spandex today.
• Pierce Brosnan…WHY??? Who told him it was a good idea to sing? Totally destroyed by Remington Steele fantasy.

We came home from the movie and the boys were watching the Olympics with their Papa. Son #2 announces, “Mommy! We are watching the Benji Olympics!” We got out a map the next day so they he could learn that Beijing is in China.

Season 2 Episode 48

(Clair explains the Mega Woman dolls to Cliff)
Clair: There’s a whole family of them. There's "Mega Girl," "Mega Boy," she's married to "Mega Man" and they all drive around all day in "The Mega Mobile."

In this episode, Rudy is performing chores and saving her money to purchase a doll that she just has to have…Mega Woman.

First, it was Rescue Heroes. We just had to have all things Rescue Heroes. As the boys got older, we moved on to Star Wars. Video games, Legos, action figures, books…it never seemed to end. After a brief detour into the land of Hot Wheels and Speed Racer, we have entered the Indiana Jones era. I wonder what will be next?

P.S. At the Farm

Today, my boys reminded me of another character building experience at the farm. One little boy needed to go to the bathroom. The farmer gave him two options…a porta-potty behind the barn or he could pee in the channel behind the cows. My boys were horrified! If they were afraid to stand in front of the cows avoiding the gigantic cow tongues, could you imagine them trying to pee behind a bunch of cows? The farmer told us that each cows poops at least 100 pounds per day. My boys would have suffered at any cost to avoid such an experience. Needless to say, we all raced to the bathroom when we got home!

A Day at the Farm

Today we went on a tour of a working farm. They had lots of animals and many acres of crop land. The boys and I are definitely city folk! It was pitiful.

We started in the cow barn where the boys convinced me to let a newborn calf suck on my finger. After capturing it on film, I immediately ran to the hand sanitizer. We then went to see the milking cows. The boys and I were plastered to the wall to stay as far as we could from the far-reaching cow tongues. Their drool was disgusting! None of us took advantage of the milking photo op.

At the goat pen, all of the children were given corn to feed the goats and sheep. Rather than hold their hands still and risk the animals licking their hands, my boys pelted the animals with the food. Their father would have been so proud.

When the tour was over, the farmer offered us a dozen eggs. I just could not bring myself to take them…it just did not seem right. I know that eggs start at the farm with the chicken and all, but I find it so much more comforting knowing that my eggs have travelled miles by truck, have been manhandled by a store stock boy and have been scanned by the store clerk.

We really enjoyed our visit to the farm. It made us appreciate what farmers do and realize that we are not meant to be farmers.

Season 2 Episode 46

Theo: Dad, can I have an advance on my allowance?
Cliff: I'm sorry son, you're already backed up to your 50th birthday.

In this episode, Cliff and Claire decide to teach Theo a lesson about the "real world." Everyone is tired of loaning him money and they want him to understand that he won’t be able to borrow so easily in the real world. They turn the house in the “Real World Apartment Building” and Theo has to pay rent, buy his furniture, pay for his food and so on. In the end, Theo learns his lesson.

At Sports Camp, the boys went on a field trip to a White Sox game. They had to take money with them to purchase lunch and/or souvenirs. I gave $20 to each boy with the instruction that they were to eat first…they could spend the change on something special. I was really curious to see how this would work out.

• Son #1 spent all of his money on food. This was totally unexpected. Frugal by nature, I thought he would come home with a pocket of change.
• Son #2 had a light lunch and spent the rest on team baseball cards. Again, totally unexpected…I really thought he would go for a foam finger and eat when he got home.

Both boys were shocked by how expensive everything was at the ballpark. I asked them to consider how much money Daddy and Mommy spend every time we go anywhere. Nothing is free and it adds up quickly. Welcome to the real world!

Season 2 Episode 45

In this episode, Cliff attempts to teach Rudy how to ride a two-wheeled bicycle…with no success. Claire takes over and Rudy masters it quickly.

This summer, I have been working with Son #2 to ride a two-wheeled bicycle. What a challenge! I believe that he would be content to use training wheels indefinitely. He is a stubborn son of a gun. I know it is not worth fighting him on this…as long as he does not really want to experience two-wheeled freedom, he will remain committed to training wheels. One day, he will wake up and realize that training wheels are not cool and that will be it…good bye training wheels! It worked with potty training; I suspect it will work with this too.

Season 2 Episode 44

In this episode, Claire and Denise participate in a pottery class while Cliff and a co-worker plan an annual benefit for the hospital. The co-worker is having problems with his daughter – she is in rehab for the third time - and becomes emotional when he observes Cliff and Claire’s relationship with Denise. He encourages Cliff to always appreciate his family.

When our children are young, we have more control over their choices. Even when they make “bad choices,” the consequences usually involve a few tears, a band-aid or a broken toy. As our children get older, we have increasingly less control and their “bad choices” have increasingly more serious consequences…poor grades, loss of friends, drug addiction, unwanted pregnancy, DUI, and so on. “Bad choices” are not always a reflection of bad parenting. We can do all of the right things and sometimes our kids will do the wrong thing. What can we do? Build trust when they are young, surround them in prayer, stay relevant with their interests, remain informed about their friends, keep in contact with their teachers, listen rather than lecture…and appreciate them daily.

Season 2 Episode 41

Rudy: Theo! Knock knock!
Theo: No!
Rudy: No who?
Theo: No way!!

In this episode, as a secondary storyline, Rudy is irritating everyone with her knock-knock jokes. They all want her to stop.

Son #2 loves jokes and riddles. He has a joke book by his bed and reads it before he falls asleep. In the morning, at breakfast, he will say, “Hey Mommy! I have a joke for you!” Sometimes they are funny…sometimes not so much. It does not matter…I love his jokes and his sense of humor.

Final Score

Baseball Caps 3 Water Bottles 2

Sports Camp ended this week and my boys had a wonderful time. Son #1 made it through the three weeks without a black eye and without losing anything. Son #2 lost three baseball caps and two water bottles. The funny thing is that I am not sure he believes he really lost them…he knew exactly where they were. When I would ask where his cap was, he would logically respond…in lost and found. They can hardly wait for next year!

M.Y.O.B.

Son #1 has worn a weekly medication patch on his arm since he has been about six years old. Recently, he has become a bit self-conscious about it. At sports camp, in the locker room, a boy asked him why he had a bandage on his arm. Son #1 was not sure how to respond…he did not know the boy well enough to disclose his health history. I told him that he could have said he was trying to quit smoking or that the patch covered his prison tattoos. No one is going to mess with my kid!

Pride Cometh Before the Storm

I have been convicted of my pride this week. Recently, I have been so proud of my kids. We have been having such a great summer and they have been getting along so well.

During a storm on Monday PM, there were approximately 90,000 lightning strikes – or an average of 800 per minute. According to the August 6th Chicago Tribune, it usually takes 6 months to record that number of lightning strikes. I felt so small and so powerless.

Recently, I have been so proud of my Chicago house. I have used the past three weeks to get everything in order and ready for school to start. Everything was set for us to go on vacation for two weeks.

I woke up on Tuesday AM to discover that my basement had flooded during the storm. Now, my house smells of wet, icky carpet and I have had to spend two days sorting through wet toys and boxes. The carpet is destroyed.

I don’t like to be humbled, but, from time to time, I need to be reminded of my pride and God’s grace and power.

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Psalms 19:1