Greatest Daddy in the World

We recently added The Andy Griffith Show to our repertoire of tv shows. The simple stories of father and son are a nice complement to the madcap capers of McHale’s Navy.

In an episode we watched the other night, Opie insisted that his dad knew more than anyone else in the county, than anyone else in the state, than anyone else in the whole country. In fact, he had the greatest pa in the whole world. No one was going to convince him otherwise.

Later that evening, when Husband came home from work, the boys ran into his arms…”You are the greatest Daddy in the whole world!” Never underestimate the influence of television.

A Future Husband

Over the past few weeks, the boys have really enjoyed watching DVDs of Ken Davis, a very gifted comedian and storyteller. As a result, we have now added stand-up comedy to our repertoire of resources for teaching life skills to our kids. In one of his routines, he implores women to speak directly to men and not to ask questions for which there is no answer. For example, when a man is getting ready to go out, don’t ask, “Are you going to go out wearing that?” There is no good answer to that question. If the man says no, he does not get to go where he wanted to go. If he says yes, he gets berated for his choice in clothes. Just say what you mean.

The other day, I said to Son #1, “Do you want to go upstairs and take a shower?” He looked at his father – with a just between us guys look - and asked, “Is that what that funny guy was talking about?” Husband nodded with a look that cautioned him to tread lightly. Son #1 turned and said to me, “Mommy, if you want me to take a shower, just say so. Don’t ask me a question that I cannot answer.”

I hope that somewhere there is a young girl who is also learning the same life lesson and that someday her path crosses that of Son #1.

Tales of an Old Married Couple – #2

For twenty years, Husband and I have slept on the same of the bed. Even when we stay in a hotel, we sleep on the same side of the bed. While we were in Florida, the first night, Husband was working on one bed and I was on the other bed watching a movie…I was on Husband’s side of the bed. As it got late, I started to fall asleep and told him to sleep in the other bed. You would have thought I had asked him to pack his bags and leave! So, I told him he could come to the other bed, but he had to sleep on “my side.” It was the worst night! All night long, he kept pushing me out of bed as he attempted to move to his side of the bed…all while sleeping. At one point, I actually had my foot on the floor supporting me. In the morning, when my alarm rang, I reached for the side table and almost poked him in the eye. I, too, forgot what side of the bed I was on!

PC vs PG

A few weeks ago, I read a review in a parenting magazine about a DVD containing a collection of Saturday morning shows from the 50’s. It included a warning that the DVD contained “outdated stereotypes and gunfights.” It made me think about the shows that we are currently watching with our kids in relationship to today’s popular shows.

This concept of “outdated stereotypes” in the old sitcoms is true…particularly ones that have military themes, such as F-Troop and McHale’s Navy. (There are also gunfights in some of these shows.) I guess by today’s standards these shows are not very politically correct. However, I am finding that it is pretty easy to explain to the boys why certain ethnic labels were used during war times and are totally inappropriate today. I also am finding that since these shows portray all of characters in such an extreme comical manner, the boys don’t take any stereotypes seriously. If it is necessary, it creates an opportunity to discuss how stereotypes and namecalling can be hurtful to others.

As I have been thinking about this, I have weighed this PC issue against the PG nature of today’s popular shows...

• In the old shows, parents are respected and not treated as unintelligent. For example, Shirley Partridge is the authority figure in her home and her children respect her. There is a wide range of ages in the Partridge family children and they are all held accountable and are expected to be obedient.
• In the old shows, the father’s role in the family is valued. This is most obvious in The Cosby Show…enough said.
• In the old shows, there is not the undercurrent of sexuality for young people. In McHale’s Navy, the sailors chase the nurses, but on The Partridge Family, the young kids do not feel pressured to date. I found it interesting, in a recent episode, when 18-year old Keith got his own place to live, he did not want his mother to catch him with a girl alone.
• In the old shows, there are some mature themes, but they are presented in a way that can be digested and processed by kids. Topics such as teen pregnancy, underage drinking, and drugs are presented as issues to be addressed, not as the norm to be accepted. We have had the opportunity to discuss many of these issues after watching The Cosby Show. We have also had many interesting discussions about stills, moonshine and poker in our house after watching McHale's Navy...not necessarily what I expected, but it has been fun.
• In the old shows, there was a more definite standard of right and wrong. In today's shows - which reflects the world at large - there is so much relativism. Kids are led to believe that everything is ok as long as you believe it and "tolerance" is the highest moral quality...however, tolerance is typically defined by the latest fad or celebrity.
• There is often a theme of deception in today's shows…how to fool parents, how to get around the system, how to avoid doing homework. This is not a new concept, but today they are taking it to a whole new level. When the Brady kids got into trouble, their schemes were pretty obvious; today, the defiance and deception is more of an undercurrent that draws kids in.
  

I am trying to find a balance between the two…old and new. There are things to be learned and enjoyed from the old shows. Similarly, there are things to be enjoyed and lessons to be learned from the current shows…it just takes vigilance. PG…parental guidance.

Tales of an Old Married Couple #1

Husband and I recently returned from a long weekend in Florida. We attended a wonderful conference that was filled with amazing teaching and music. Each night, they left a “pillow gift” of either a book authored by one of the speakers or a CD by a musician. They also left two chocolates…the idea being two room occupants, two chocolates.

The first night, we returned to our room to find a book and two chocolates. I put on my pjs and stepped in the bathroom…looking forward to sitting on my bed, watching tv, and eating my chocolate. I returned and Husband had eaten BOTH chocolates! I asked him…”What were you thinking? Have you met me? Is there any time in our 20 year marriage that I have NOT liked chocolate?” He had nothing to say. I also had nothing to say to him for the rest of the night. I, of course, had plenty to say to everyone at breakfast about his dastardly deed.

The next night, I went up to our room between the night session and the dessert reception. Imagine my delight to find the pillow gift and two chocolates! I grabbed both chocolates, put them in my pocket, and returned to the reception. When I said good-night, several people asked about my chocolate plans…I smiled and showed them the chocolates in my pocket. I am not above petty revenge!

Season 5 Episode 121

In this episode, Vanessa and Rudy are constantly bickering. Cliff encourages Vanessa not to respond when Rudy provokes her, but it does not help. After getting into a wrestling match in the kitchen, they are sentenced to live in the basement together until they can get along. Only after Theo taunts them with scary stories do they move past their differences and are allowed to return to their bedrooms.

For the most part, my boys get along. I would say 75 percent of the time they play well together and co-exist in relative harmony. That other 25 percent can be a pain! Son #2 can really push Son #1’s buttons. We encourage Son #1 to “just walk away” but…good luck! Similarly, Son #1 has the annoying habit of getting into Son #2’s business. Sometimes I think I should follow Cliff’s lead and sentence them to the basement until they get along. To be honest, though, sometimes I think it would be better if I went to the basement myself.

In Memory of Mary

Today, I went to the funeral of Mary, a 47-year old woman, whom I never met, but really wish I had. Mary was the wife of one of Husband’s colleagues and had finally grown tired after a long illness. I never expected to cry so much.

The officiating priest read two emails that Mary had written during her last days. It gave us amazing insights into her heart and her love for God. A co-worker shared how she cared for the most vulnerable among us and it gave us insights into her character. Her younger brother spoke on behalf of the family and it gave us insights into her humanity and her love for life. Finally, her husband read a letter that he wrote to her. What a blessing to witness such an expression of love! It gave us insights into their love for each other and for their daughter. As the family walked out singing “How Great Thou Art,” the tears were pouring down my face.

I had not met the woman whose life we celebrated today, but my life was certainly touched. I was challenged by the life that she led and encouraged to examine my own. What will my legacy be? What will my husband and family say about me?

Will it be said that I loved unconditionally? I love a few people and like many more, but it would be so much easier if people were a little bit more like me.

Will it be said that I was spoke the truth and was honest with my loved ones? No one will disagree that I have my opinions, but how well do I listen? Do I speak the truth in love?

Will it be said that I loved God with all my heart, mind and soul? I sure try hard, but is that enough?

Will it be said that I was a loving wife and mother? I am pretty good between the hours of 12 PM and 10 PM, but things can get a little dicey in the mornings.

Please don’t get me wrong…I am not getting down on myself. I am just taking the opportunity to evaluate and learn from a life well-lived. I sure would have liked to have met Mary…I bet we could have been friends. Perhaps one day we will meet in Glory.